Dancing In The Rain
by hellokittychic
Summary: Enter Sakura: She's caught up in something she doesn't want anything to do with. Her past. Enter Syaoran: He's the hott laid back track athelete. Welcome to your typical dysfunctional highschool romance. SS Ch.16 Up!
1. Prologue and Sakura: Rain

_**(A/N: My first S/S!) **_

_**Disclaimer: Duh…I don't own CCS! **_

**_Dancing In the Rain_**:

Chapter One: Rain

_A short, but dismissive bell rang, shattering the silence of the small house, being as loud as thunder outside. "Who could that be at in this weather? He doesn't come home until a few more minutes." the long black haired woman asked herself angrily and irately swung the door open. Her hazel eyes immediately opened in shock and astonishment._

_Tentatively, bending over, she picked up the bundle and pushed aside the pink, cherry blossom fleece blanket. Her expression softened as she looked at the small package. A small, round, golden, sleeping face looked back at her. Auburn hair framing her face and small hands tightly clutching a small piece of jewelry, a name tag tied around her neck, said, "Sakura."_

_The woman was bewildered. Who would leave such a beautiful baby on just anyone's doorstep like this on such a cold, evening when it was raining? Who was this baby? She knew nothing of the baby, other than her name and that she was dreadfully drenched._

_Deciding that holding the baby outside in the cold could do not much, the woman brought Sakura inside, still bundled like a package in her fleece blanket and basket. Sighing in awe of the baby, she lifted the baby from the basket. _

_Immediately, the baby's eyes fluttered open. Piercing emerald. Her eyes looked at the woman warily and sleepily. Almost as if tired of doing this many times. _

_The woman chuckled softly to herself, and kissed Sakura's forehead. Looking up heavenwards, she said, "I knew you'd answer my prayers. Please let me keep her." _

_Rocking the baby in her arms, tears started to form in her eyes. There was much resemblance to Kira, thought the woman as she skillfully changed the baby into some of Kira's old baby clothes. A pink dress, and made Sakura look so much like her. How badly the woman had wished Kira could be here right now. Alive and well. Kira hadn't deserved to die at such a young age. She was still only a baby. Only fourteen. How could she die like that? The fever. It plagued all and took many. Kira was the one to leave from this household. _

_Kira, Kira, Kira, the woman thought wistfully. Peeking once more at the baby she just rocked to sleep, her face clouded with happiness. "Now I have you."_

_Suddenly, a loud knock erupted on the front door. Hurrying to the door with the baby still in her hands, she opened the door. The door opened to reveal a tall chestnut haired man with glasses. _(A/N: Okay guys I don't know what Fujiataka looks like, excuse me please!) _He didn't lean down to her and give her a kiss like he usually did. Right away he knew something was amiss. That something was bundled and in his wife's arms. _

_"Zariel? Who is this baby?" he bellowed loudly, his deep voice rumbling and shaking the tiny house._

_"I don't know. I found her on the doorstep. Look how beautiful she is. All alone." She said once again entranced by the baby girl._

_The man took a quick glance at the baby and his eyes hardened. "Get that little bitch out of here. I don't want an extra mouth to feed. We can't even feed Touya properly."_

_"Fujitaka honey, what are you talking about? We are doing just fine. Don't talk like we're poor. We aren't. We have money. Besides, what do you suggest doing with the poor baby darling?" She paused then said in a scolding tone, "And don't let me hear you say she's a bitch again. She's only a baby! You can't use that language!" _

_"Don't tell me what to do! I am the man of the house. I don't' see you making any money or working hard! You have to listen to me. About that baby, leave her where you found her we don't need her being a trouble." He said belligerently. Zariel's lower lip started to tremble. Why was he yelling at her like this? Why did he just have to say that? Make her feel useless when he knows she can't work anywhere? _

_Clutching the baby tightly against her chest, she started to turn around. But he caught her arm._

_"I-I'm sorry. I had a rough day. Don't let what I said hurt you. It isn't your fault you can't get a job. I'm so sorry. Keep the baby until we can find her…" He stopped briefly, then said," her rightful guardian. Just don't let her become a burden. As long as she's here, she is your responsibility. I don't want to have to do anything with her." He finished in a cold tone, retreating to his couch to relax and wait for dinner. Ignoring his tone of voice, she eagerly nodded. _

_Looking down at Sakura, Zariel said, "My darling"_

………………………………………………….

Sakura's POV:

I woke up with a start. What kind of whacked dream was that? I took a deep breath and ignored it, hoping it _was_ just a crazy random dream. Pulling the cherry blossom fleece blanket closer to me, I peeked outside the window. It was raining. Rain. Again. The familiar prickle of sensation and temptation rustled restlessly underneath me. I gave in.

Getting up from my bed, I opened the window. Soft, steady rain could be heard. I inhaled and closed my eyes, the fresh smell of rain. People say I'm crazy, that I can smell rain. But, I do. People say I'm weird, that I love to dance in the rain. But, I do. Creeping downstairs, I grabbed my raincoat that I had gotten as a present from Mom. Just Mom. Dad never gets me anything. I have a feeling he never liked me much. In that odd dream too, he didn't like me. Is there a time when he did? I shook my head of those thoughts. I didn't want think about those right now when the rain had come to visit me.

Opening the door carefully to avoid making any sounds, I walked outside. Twirling myself, I smiled heavenward where all the rain was coming from.

Then the music started. A song many dancers can't hear. But one the rain played every time. The rhythm caught me. The soft beat of the rain falling and splashing against the road. Ending their long journey from the sky. I was going to fly now. In the sky too, amongst the rain. Soon my arms and legs were moving on their own. Freely. I was a free bird.

While I dance, I never know exactly what I am doing. It's like I sleepwalk. I forget everything the next morning how to dance. But, with this melody, my body does it's own thing.

The only thing I knew right now, were the feelings that flowed through me. Familiarity. A familiarity that I don't feel with my dad or even my mom. Just a close familiarity. Love. A love so strong, that I can't contain, so while my body stretches it flows through my veins and keeps me alive.

Curiosity. I am curious to know why I do this. Why I feel as if I know something, yet it's so far away to reach and comprehend. Reluctantly, I let go of thoughts. I was all soul and dance.

Slowly, my movements died down with the ending melody. I was done. I always knew when I was done. I always got a sense of completion and satisfaction that I never have with myself.

Stopping in graceful position, I smiled. A smile of many emotions, most of which I can't identify.

Standing once straight, as if nothing happened, I heard a loud honk. I turned and my eyes widened. I hadn't realized I was dancing in the middle of the road. I was so dumb!

A sleek silver Mercedes looked at me. I was frozen as what to do.

The door opened abruptly and someone got out. He looked only a couple years older than me.

I bit my lip. I was just frozen. What was I supposed to do now? I don't know why, but I couldn't just leave. Usually if some stranger saw me, I ran away immediately. But, now for some reason I didn't know what to do. I was standing there like a deer caught in headlights.

His matted wet chestnut banks fell into his amber eyes, and I felt myself melting. This wasn't just anyone. This was handsome Syaoran Li, of the powerful Li clan from China. A pretty famous track runner and hurdle jumper. Wanted by thousand girls. Wouldn't be surprising to know that I just might one of those many girls. A celebrity crush. I couldn't help it. Heat flooded my face. What was he doing here at this time? What was _I_?

Then he did something I would never expect, from anyone after just watching me dance like crazy. At least not sincerely. He smiled. My knees went weak. I thought I would die from shock. I looked up at him and pushed the wet hair out of my eyes. I smiled back, meekly. What else could I do?

He took a step closer and I took one back. Then, I turned around and ran for home. Really and again, what else could I do?

My hair flew freely around my face. I must of lost my ribbons. My cherry blossom ribbons. I wanted to go back and look for them. I loved them too much to let them go easily. But, that's what I did.

Because I didn't even want to look behind myself. What if he was still there? And was he looking at me oddly, like I was an alien, in that way everyone else saw me? I didn't want to turn around. He had smiled. Smiled at me that I was crazy or because he actually liked my dance? I didn't know. And now I knew, that somehow the 'me' that doesn't care about what people think, now cared about what he was thinking currently. He was my celebrity crush. I admired him. His determination. When he fell, he always got back up. He wasn't ashamed. He just tried again. That's just what I loved.

Some stranger. Affecting me in ways without even a single word.

Grabbing on to the door handle, I stumbled inside gasping. An unpleasant site awaited me.

"Where the hell were you? I decide to check up on how my daughter is doing, and I find you missing? What do you think of yourself, by sneaking off like that?" His voice was dominating, intimidating but he never once scared me like he did everyone else. I wouldn't let him.

"I went out." I said curtly in a manner that let him know where I went wasn't his business. When was it ever? It stopped when he stopped loving his own daughter.

"To where? And in the middle of the night? Is this how you repay us for giving everything you've ever wanted? All that shit? No one the Kinomoto house will behave like this. Why, and for what despicable reason, have you?" Answers, answers, answers, everyone wanted answers, yet I didn't have them! So why even bother asking me?

"Daddy, I didn't go anywhere. I just went outside for a walk." I lied through my teeth. I was good at this. Lying. Either that or that I was so bad, that people never bothered to ask again.

"In the middle of the night?" He repeated softly. Softly? Like in a concerned way? I gave him credit for this. Does this mean he was worried about me? That he cares? Nah. That would be too hard for him, I thought sarcastically, to care about someone like me.

"Do you know how bad that would look on your mom's campaign to be president of Nicc'e? That her daughter was found lurking around the street at an unreasonable hour? And you know how media is, they will make rumors about you and it will be a disgrace to our family! What if they call you a-a-a…" He stammered. My hopes died down instantly. He got me. Using mother's campaign to become president of the make-up company, Nicc'e. What a cheap trick! He knew now I felt guilty. I loved Mom, and would never want something to harm anything that made her happy. And this was all over a damn outing.

Besides, he just basically said he didn't care what happened to me. Just Mom and Touya. It was always 'Touya this, your mother this,'. I had gotten used to it. Although what made this occasion so special that I actually thought he, cared, a tiny bit for his daughter? I don't know. I didn't even know why he disliked me so much. I stopped thinking about things like that. But, when you were least expecting things, they like to creep up behind you, ruin your peaceful carefree feeling, and plague you once more again. Like for instance when you're sitting on your bed unable to fall asleep, you start to think about all those creepy creatures hiding and scare yourself. It happens all the time. I don't like it.

Because I don't really enjoy being plagued when I was still breathing and alive. And now thinking about, I wouldn't want it when I'm dead either.

"Well, are you going to _talk_? Or am I going to have to tell everyone how you became mute?" He demanded.

"I took a walk. That's all. Around the lawn. One of my oddities." I replied boredly hanging my coat up in the closet. My 'oddities' were used to describe most of the things I do. Because I was weird. I was a freak. So, people think the things I do can't be controlled by me. It's like saying to everyone, 'I'm a freak and I can't help it. So leave me alone and don't make fun of me.'

Not usually what I wanted to say to people, but how else could I get them off my case easily? I used the coward way off. But I not like I cared really, and didn't Helen Keller say that "Rather keep quiet and look stupid, then explain and look like a fool," I think that's how it went, I don't know the entire thing perfectly. Perfect. That word gives me the creeps.

He stared at me for awhile almost glaring, I couldn't really tell because the only light we had was the moonlight from the window, then he said, "I'll just ignore the gasping you were doing when you entered the house then?"

"Uh…okay so I ran a bit too." I added as if this was some test I had to finish before I could be let free.

He looked at me skeptically, then said, "I don't know if I can trust you anymore. How do I know what your doing?" I was supposed to deny his fact and make him believe and trust in me. But, why should I ?

"You don't." I knew I was making this complicated. I could literally feel that tangling web I was creating. And I wanted out, now. Enough, so much that it had me confused why 'oddities' hadn't shut him up yet.

He stiffened at my response. "You dirty little bitch." He whispered, not for me to hear, but I did anyways. He has called me many things, but never had he called me a bitch. Why was he making such a big deal out of this little thing? I didn't want it! This conversation was taking a dangerous turn and I didn't want to drive there alone.

I blinked calmly, when inside that wasn't true. This was another thing I was quite talented with. Hiding emotions of weakness.

"How dare you say that to me!" He bellowed loudly, almost shaking the house.

I didn't flinch. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction of knowing his demeanor affected me.

"I know. Every fucking time it rains, at this time of night you disappear. To do what? Don't explain your oddities. I don't believe them! Why do you do these things? You have money. You have a family. Why are you acting like your mother! Every day when I look at you, you make me feel so disgusted! Acting the way she does, and dancing! Don't deny it! She did too…" he said softly. I shuddered now. He was crazy. I didn't know what he was talking about. Mom and dancing and whatever?

"Huh?" I asked blankly confused.

"Don't 'huh' me! I don't want to hear it! I just want to know why you look so damn much like her! It's so annoying. A constant reminder of our love that died." His voice suddenly grew dreamy and distant, as if he was telling a fairy tale to little girl, "You know it was love at first site. We both were poor, but once set eyes on each other; we couldn't take 'em off… " Tears starting to form in his eyes. "Your mother was so beautiful. Just like you." By then I wasn't too confused. Okay so he was going to lecture me now? But then he said the words. They changed all, me, and my life.

"Her auburn hair and jade eyes. Cheerful trails. Smiles that made my heart melt and me so vulnerable yet made me feel so strong. How I loved her. So much, so much." I was taken aback. What was talking about? Mom didn't look like that. She had raven black hair and hazel eyes. That meant…that meant…I didn't dare to even admit this possibility to myself. How could I be sure he wasn't just crazy?

"But I had Zariel too. She was wonderful, but couldn't work anywhere. See, my darling had a charge against her. She was a main suspect for the murder of her brother. But, she hadn't murdered him. No. Although no one would let her work for them because of that taint on her essence. Then Kira, my daughter died of a fever. My lovely daughter. My poor baby." His eyes were glazed. He didn't seem to talking to me. Just talking aimlessly. Right. This was nothing. He doesn't talk like this to me. All this was stupid junk. From…oh I don't know where the fuck he came up with this shit!

"Your mother, Nadeshiko. Her laughter was music to my ears. I longed for her. She loved me too. It was great. We kept it a secret from Zariel, you know? We couldn't tell her. I couldn't. It would break her heart." By then he was sobbing. I was too. I was scared. I wasn't afraid to show it now either. I bit my lip and waited. Nadeshiko? My mother? I didn't know exactly what to believe; better yet, what to _think_.

He hiccupped. "Then we had you. I didn't always hate you so much." I choked on hysterical laughter. So I was right. He did hate me. Great, he just admitted it too. " You were just the sweetest bundle of joy, lighting up rooms with your toothless smiles like your mother did. During the day it was you and Nadeshiko, and in the evenings and nights it was Zariel and Touya. I loved every moment of it. Except the fear of getting caught. I didn't want that. But, there was a thrill in keeping the secret." He smiled sadly, and vaguely. It creeped me out. I had the chills.

He continued and I didn't dare to interrupt either. "All I learned was that my love was keeping a secret from me too. I had never before asked her how she got money, no matter how little she had. Then I found out."

"She was a hooker, a slut, a dirty little play bunny. I was disgusted. I overreacted I guess, because I told her how dirty she was. And I said horrible things. They were so horrible, she killed herself. It was my fault, Sakura. All my fault. I killed her. " He heaved. I put my arms around my dad, awkwardly. I didn't know what to do.

" I came home that night shaken. Then I found your mother

holding a baby in her arms. You were that baby in her arms. I couldn't stand to look at you. How everyday you became a spitting image of her. I can't take it anymore." He looked up to the ceiling and screamed, something that almost deafened my existence, " So why are you doing this to me Nadeshiko? Why must you torture me with your daughter? Why….?" He broke away from my hold and was crying on the floor. A grown man, shaken and roughed by tears. Suddenly he got up. He looked fiercely angry.

"Go away! I don't want to see your face ever again." When I didn't move he produced a pocket knife and held it threateningly over my face.

"I will torture you like you tortured me.. Stop hurting me!" He screamed and sobbed. I was scared. My breath came in few gasps. Just a few minutes ago I was worrying about my cherry blossom ribbons. Now I might even die. Die. Death. Foreign words entering my private territories.

It felt like light years had passed in those few moments. I counted each second, each tear that rolled down our faces, and each thought that passed through my mind that made me feel confused, as I have never been before.

"Stop it Fujitaka! What are you doing? Drop the knife or I'll call the police!" I whipped my head to look at the speaker. It was Mom. Or now Zariel. Had she heard everything? Judging by hear blotchy face, I decided she had.

Immediately he dropped it and panicked. "Zariel, I was joking. I didn't threaten her. Don't call the police. I didn't do anything. I am a good person. I didn't kill her. I didn't cheat on you. I didn't do anything!" He shouted frustradedly. Zariel walked over to me and pulled me close to her.

We were both shaking and I couldn't tell whose tears were who's. I buried myself in her embrace wishing so bad none of this happened. But hard as I wished, I knew the truth had finally dawned on us. Like the rising sun. Yet burning all of us. I fcould feel the scorching rays. I hurt so much. I didn't know anyone could hurt that much. But, I did. Tears were all I had now. I was a no one. Really. I kept on crying. That's when I heard sirens and saw that Touya had already called the police. I looked up at my brother-now half brother, his face stoic and unemotional. I couldn't read what he was feeling.

What was going to happen now? I didn't want to think about. All I could remember later was the silence. As the police came in and asked me questions. I answered, me being lost somewhere else. Turning my head outside, I saw it was till raining. Rain.

**(A/N: Review! Please! Tell me what ya'll think!)**


	2. Syaoran: Dancing Maiden

(A/N: la la la I'm back…huh, like anyone really cares…)

Disclaimer: I don't own CCS, (is this like so necessary to say? It hurts!)

Chapter Two: Dancing Maiden - Syaoran

-

"Master Li, Mistress calls for you in the Meeting Parlor." My butler, Wei appeared at the door of my indoor track. He held a bottle of water. Gliding to a stop in front of him, I took it from him. I drank it quickly, since I was practically dehydrated.

Catching my breath from just finishing the 3 mile, I replied panting, "Thanks Wei. Tell her I'll be there in ten minutes." He nodded and left.

Throwing the empty bottle over my shoulder not at all caring where it falls, or what a mess the remaining water makes and headed out.

I entered the emerald colored bathroom. Looking at myself in the large mirror above the sink, I grinned slightly, yet somehow I was still frowning. This was all disconcerting. Hah. I'm using big words now. Despite that, I'm not stupid. I know what people assume about me, what the Elders say about me, and what Mama thinks about me. I just don't understand. No matter what I do, it isn't enough. I glared at the chestnut haired boy-man in the mirror, what would you call someone like him? Like me? I didn't know what to call myself. Other people did, and knew exactly how to explain themselves.

_"Every time I look at you, I see him. His eyes. His features. His expressions. You are identical to the man that I fell in love with. "_

_"You may look indistinguishable to your father when he was your age, but do not believe that will get you off the hook. You have to train harder than he did. Keep his status as Champion. Champion Li. Never back down from a challenge, your father never did."_

_"Stop being a coward. You fall and you get back up again. You're a Li. Not a damn wuss! Got it?"_

_"Oh my gosh. You-you-you seem just like father, just like him. "_

_"Please give me a second glance. Look at me. Notice me, please! I've been here all along!" _

I smiled faintly at the last thought. Meilin. Cute, popular, sexy, including everything else a guy could want. But, she had wanted me. I didn't have a clue why, seriously, she was my cousin. I loved her, as a sister. She trailed behind me, like a bodyguard against my crazy fans, my sole companion who would never leave my side if she had a choice. If she didn't get to, she'd try as hard as she could, so that she would get her way. Right now, she was away in America with her new boyfriend. Imagine my relief, yet my loneliness. It was strange, but I knew I'd get used to it,

Splashing cold water against my skin, I breathed a sigh and using my (green) towel, I wiped my face clean. Cleaniless was a Champion must do for Mama.

Quickly changing out of my sweaty track clothes, which were green, I put on some formal clothes (Main Parlor meant formality, for guests should be expected…Mama's rule again.) And yeah, green is my favorite color. It's the only color father hated. It seems as if the whole world wants me to live up to their expectations of _him_. I hated that. So green is the only way I know that I have myself. That no one can take away that, myself and my thoughts and my feelings.

Not bothering to comb my hair, I hurried down to the Main Parlor. I checked my watch, 8:35 am, right on time.

The butler standing outside the door opened it, and let me inside.

Mama was sitting poised, elegant and graceful on the couch chattering excitedly to guests. I glanced at the guests. Inwardly I groaned. Another girl and another set up. How many freaking times does she want me to tell her that I don't want to get married now? Especially with one of her silly 'exotic' giggling set ups?

"Mr. And Mrs. Patel, I'd be honored to introduce my son and heir to Li clan, Syaoran." The tan skinned couple nodded approvingly of me. I had to resist the urge to just slump on the couch and sulk.

"_Namaste_, Si-o-ron. Pleasant to meet your acquaintance." Mr. Patel stood up and shook my hand. My face remained un-emotional. We both sat down after a couple of more introductions. Me, I sat next to Mama, and him next to his wife and daughter, who wore tons of jewelry that glittered constantly.

"Let us discuss the main reason of this meeting we have held today. We have come here with a marriage proposal. Usually in India, it is common to have the groom's family to ask for the bride's hand, so to let you know this proposal is a very important one." I almost raised my eyebrows at Mr. Patel's statement. Did he think that this was going to make me say yes? Never.

"Fascinating." Mama said, trying to look interested.

"Yes, there is much to know about Indian culture and about the Raj Clan. We hope that this marriage can unite two powerful clans. There'll be many advantages to this, if your clan agrees." He continued. I glanced at the girl for the first time. She was pretty cute, but I didn't want to marry her. Her long black hair fell to her waist and she was dressed in some kind of Indian clothing. Thick eyeliner framed her eyes and she looked kind of sad actually. As our parents continued to speak, her face fell with almost each word. I was beginning to get the idea she didn't like this anymore than I did.

"-Oh really? That's a good idea you know? Uniting clans with this marriage." Mama looked thoughtful. I stared. Was she serious?

" Yes, so is it settled? The marriage? Your son to wed ours. Did I tell you that due to culture most Indians do not marry other races? So, this is a good deal. An offer that won't be offered again." Mr.Patel and his little black mustache were starting to annoy me. Terribly. He was talking about us like we were products!

I quickly interrupted, because I could see that she was going to start crying. "Uh..Me and a uh…" Crap. What did they say her name was again?

"Asha." She said softly.

"Yeah, me and Asha want to be in private for a while. May we be excused?" I guess they got the wrong idea because then Mrs. Patel was smirking, Mr. Patel raised his eyebrows as if to say, 'oh can't get your hands of her, huh?', and Mama was glaring at me. Ignoring their answer I got up and so did Asha, still looking pitifully at the floor. I began to wonder what was so interesting about the marble tile down there.

As soon as we were out of the room and out of ear shot, I led her to the Parlor. (We have many Parlors).

It was just silence. Then she raised her head to me, and then started to cry. Shit. I hate it when people cry, especially girls, because then I never know what to do. I stood there, and then I got an idea. Reaching into my pocket, I took out a handkerchief. (Mama makes me have one everywhere I am).

I handed it to her and immediately she started laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked breaking the silence.

"Nothing. You give me handkerchief." She giggled again then said, "That is old fashioned. Like in silly love Movie." Her accent was soft and pretty. Tears glistened on her eyelashes but she was smiling now.

"Oh." I said lamely. Then I asked her, "You don't like this marriage thing either right?"

"Yes. Not like at all." She whispered hoarsely. Her tone of voice implied to me, that it was probably a big thing in her life.

Biting her lips she said, "I have boyfriend. In India. I want to marry him. Sorry."

"Then why can't you marry him?"

"My parents won't let me. He is not from clan. He is not rich. He is painter."

I was clueless on what to say to that.

"Well, I don't want this marriage either, so if we both don't want it, you won't be married," I said. I just ignored her other comment.

"What can we do? We have no choice in this. Maa and Baap, and your Maa seem to have other in mind." She countered looking sullen and teary eyed.

I furrowed my eyebrows in frustration.

"I want to marry Ravi. In India. And be free. Can you help me?" She asked. Man, that sucked. What do I do?

"I don't know. How would I be able to help you?"

She seemed to not of thought of this and looked pleadingly at me. Anger swelled up inside me at Mama and her parents. Pulling her hand fiercely, we headed back to the Main Parlor.

At the slam of the door, all the adults stood up looking startled.

Taking a deep breath I began, "There will be no marriage." Looks of shock and horror were written over their faces.

I continued, "We are not something to be sold away without our consent."

Mr. Patel said quite briskly, "We are your parents. You two are not old enough to make decisions."

I glared at him now, "Who are you to say that? Marriage is not a joke! And even if parents have the right to govern our choices till we may make our own, life happiness is one they don't have the option to make!"

Mama looked at me vehemently and said, "Syaoran, go to your room. Leave us alone here." Turning back to the Patel's she said, "I'm sorry. Please excuse his rude behavior today. His cousin just left for America, and he must be missing her."

"I'm not shutting up. And have you forgotten my age? I can no longer 'be sent to my room'." After a moment of silence, I said, "It's not about Meilin either! It's about me! I told you that I don't want marriage yet! That I will marry whom I chose! It's about Asha! And her boyfriend she wants to marry! How can you people keep her away from that?" By then I was breathless. I didn't know that I could do all this stuff. Being all right and nice. I didn't know I had that speech in me.

Mama shut her eyes and breathed in sharply. She looked mad. Mr. Patel said suddenly, "Asha! What is this?"

"H-H-He's my boyfriend Baap. I love him. Please let us marry…" Her voice trailed off.

"Ravi? That painter? How dare you see him after I forbid it! Sorry Yelan, but we must leave. I am breaking off this proposal." He said roughly and stormed out. Mrs. Patel looked at her daughter.

"Johnnie (darling in Hindi), let us go now. I did not know of this 'Ravi'. If you love him, we will see about marriage. For now, let us go explain to your baap." She said calmly and Asha rushed into her arms. They left too.

That left Mama and me. Not good.

She opened her eyes finally. "Syaoran, how could you! Every single time!" Her voice didn't sound regal or disciplined, it sounded, well, desperate.

"Damn!" She screamed hysterically. I flinched.

"Do you know how painful it is Syaoran? It's the same thing everyday. Your rude cold behavior towards me! Why me?" She asked. What was she talking about?

She looked at me with her sad hazel eyes. "You remind me so much of him. So much that it hurts sometimes to look at you."

"Mama, I-"

"No Syaoran. Don't talk." She said softly. "Do you want to know what's wrong?"

I nodded.

"You." That was it. All she had to say. She went on, "You are like him"

"So?"

"Don't you understand what you are doing? To me? To this clan?" She questioned frantically. She waved her arms un-sophistically around as she talked.

"No. I don't." I seriously didn't. Time and time again, nothing pleased her or the clan. No matter what I did! Practice, practice, practice…

"That marriage offer won't come back again, you know? And you blew it!" She screamed.

"Every offer isn't good enough for you, huh? You think you're too good. Adding to that, you got involved in their family matters! You could have nearly broken them all apart!"

"What, is it your specialty? Breaking families? I think you've broken ours too!" I thought it was right. To tell her parents about Ravi. And what the fuck did she mean that I broke our family?

She shook her head disapprovingly, her hair disheveled framing her tired face, and said, " I don't want to see your face anymore. Go away. Don't let me see you till tomorrow."

I was shocked and it was visible to her.

"I said GO!" I left, wondering what caused her to spaz out on me. I really didn't do anything wrong. What was going on that I didn't know? Today was too much for me.

……………………………………………………………………………………

Somehow, I didn't know, I ended up in my car. Feeling a hammering in my head, an urging of disgusting stuff in my throat wanting to get out, I had figured that I must of gotten drunk and wasted.

Opening my car door, I puked. That's when I noticed where I was. In front of a bar. Still I was confused, what had happened?

That's when memories floated by. The set up, the talk, the Patels, and Mama crying over something she blames on me. I still didn't understand why she was damn mad at me. And my fucking head wouldn't stop hurting.

I realized I was in the back seat. That must've meant someone put me here. But who? Looking outside, I saw a bar. I decided to check it out since it was probably the only place I could've gotten drunk. I hesitated at first, because the bar gave me an odd vibe, like I shouldn't go in there, but I did anyways. There was no other way to find out what the hell happened to me.

Walking into the misty, smoky bar casually, I looked at my surroundings. Aw fuck!

The ongoing scene I saw: "Hey baby," A man in a black slinky dress cooed, cuddling up to another man. Shit. Fuck. Damn. No more words to explain my shock.

"Hey cutie." A voice said, startlingly me from behind. Aw fuck! I repeated several times in my head before I swung my head to face the voice.

"Eriol? Dude, what are you doing in a gay bar?" I asked the navy haired, four eyed friend of mine.

"Hmm…maybe I should ask you that. Never knew you were gay." He said smirking slightly.

"Damn Eriol, I'm not. I don't know how I fucking got here." I replied while observing my environment. More like out on watch for scary drag queens.

"Ohhh, right." He slurred. I turned to look at him and realized he was drunk.

"Eriol, are you freaking drunk?" I asked stupidly.

"Man, you're pretty hot, you know Syao? Yeah, Meilin used to tell me about how fantastic your ass was!" I winced.

"Dude, you are not gay!" I said incredulously and was very disturbed to find out that a friend of mine was…it was all just perturbing.

"Hmm…what if I am, baby?" He swaggered around a bit and said in a singsong tone, "Yup, I am gay. But, it's this big secret you know? I can't tell anyone." I stood there speechless. Why didn't I notice he was drunk before? I should have been able to tell. But then again who cared about that? He just told me he was gay. Gay…I didn't know what to think.

"You see…" He hiccupped, " No one likes gay people. No one will like me anymore. You still do, don't you buddy?" He asked pleadingly.

"Uh, yeah man. How long have you been gay?" I asked, very afraid.

"Hmm…ever since I met you. You know, I really like you." He said then looked at me funny. I began to shiver.

"Eriol, snap out of it! You're seriously freaking the fuck out of me!" I told him.

Then he laughed hysterically. I glowered.

"Syaoran-" pant/laugh/giggle "You should of seen your face! It was so fucked up funny!" I didn't think it was funny at all. Looking at him, I inspected him carefully. He didn't seem like he was joking. Something seemed to be behind his giggle. Because there was something so real about his 'fake' confession. I could feel it. Although I knew he didn't want to say. That was fine. He could tell when he wanted, so I ignored it.

"Yo dude shut the fuck up before I kill you and answer my friggin question. How'd I end up in my car, totally wasted?" I asked directly.

"Let's see. You drove to my house. Got wasted and spilled out your guts. I drove us here because they have the best cigarettes." I sighed at that part. Eriol couldn't quit smoking. I tried to help him with nicotine patches, but it didn't work. I knew this place had the best cigarettes. It was probably to attract more guys into this lame bar, that they sold stuff like that. He continued talking, " I took your car of course, this baby's a flashy thang. You fell asleep when we got there, so I left it like that. I went to get some, and came back to find you gone. I decided to look here, and I found who?!" He said enthusiastically.

"Muah." I replied lamely. We didn't say another word. Heading out together, I heard catcalls from the gay people. Why couldn't people mind their fucking business? This has probably been the most terrifying, embarrassing evening of my life. And I knew Eriol wouldn't let me live this one down. Damn.

"So doubting your sexuality man?" He smirked.

"No, You were the gay one infatuated with me." I replied boredly.

"Aww…Syao-chan is getting mad at me. How terrible! I'm so Sorry for teasing you, Syao-chan." He mocked. I glared at him.

"Don't call me chan." I ordered. He just rolled his eyes.

"Okay, okay. Let's go back to my house dude. You seem really roughed up."  
"Uh…my head is fucking killing me."

"Yeah, I knew that. So that's why I changed our plans right now and we are going to crash Misaki's party. And have some fun, too"

"You know what four eyes? I don't feel like it. I'll drop you home. I need some time to think" This statement obviously shocked him. He eyed me skeptically with raised eyebrows. He probably thought there was something wrong with me since I have never turned down to crashing Misaki's parties or refusing to get a chance to make out with her. Damn, she was hot, but I didn't feel like it.

"Whoa. Sure." I started the car up and we were on our way. It was just silent after that.

Dropping him off, I didn't know where to go. Then I realized how late it was. Suddenly I heard thunder and little drops of rain fell on my windshield, so normally I turned on the wipers.

I drove blindly, just taking turns here and there until I reached a neighborhood. I decided I would just take a drive around here. To just see normal people's houses. And normal people. Although I bet most would be inside. Driving up further, I reached the cul-de-sac.

Faintly I saw a figure. Gradually as the wipers did their thing, I could see her. She was dancing.

The rain was falling hard against her, but she seemed to be enjoying it. Her eyes were closed and she was oblivious to the anything but her little world. Beautifully, she did a pattern of elegant movements. I watched in fascination. She was good.

I observed carefully. She was short, yet cute. Not hot, but a childish cute. She had long auburn hair that stuck to her face since it was wet, as long as Asha's. She was wearing a pink rain coat and had two ribbons tied up in her hair. Let's say she looked like a cherry blossom. All pink and stuff.

Her expression was happy. She seemed to love this, dancing stuff. I didn't what to make of it. But, it entranced me all the same. Her movements flowed together and I couldn't tear my eyes away

She stopped dancing and smiled to herself. I didn't know why I did what I did, but I honked. I wanted her attention. She turned around to look at me, her face filled with shock and confusion. She blushed madly.

I opened the car door. On impulse, I smiled. The rain caused my hair to instantly get wet. Not that I cared then. She smiled back. I liked her smile. Although, I didn't expect her too. I half expected to her faint or swoon or fall at my feet or something like the other girls did.

Abruptly, she turned around and ran. Leaving me with an unexpected present. Something was lying on the black round shining pink. A ribbon. Her pink ribbon. Walking over, I picked it up. Looking at it closely, I noticed there was a cherry blossom print over it. I smiled to myself, knowing in some weird way I'd see her again, this ribbon being the cause. Ying Fa. That's what I'd call her. I looked at the ribbon again. Cherry Blossoms.

(A/N: Hope_ someone _liked it…)


	3. Sakura: Golden Bracelet

(A/N: I'm back! Heyllo world!!

Oh and Maisuki-chan, thatz really cool how you do track! No, I don't, but my best friend does, and she's really amazing! Yeah, track does rock! Except, I'm not very good at running, but it's fun!

Thankies everyone for reviews!! (I have never got more than five reviews for ONE thing before…I am totally excited! )

Can anyone pleas explain what OOC means? I see it all the time, but I don't get it. Please? I seriously don't know what that means…

Sucks, I had to do tons of research for these next few chapters. I didn't know much about anything…)

Disclaimer: I don't own CCS. But it I put on the top of my wish list. Too bad Christmas is over…

**Chapter Three: Golden Bracelet - Sakura**

_"She was a hooker, a slut, a dirty little play bunny. I was disgusted. "_

_"I said horrible things. They were so horrible, she killed herself."_

_" It was my fault, Sakura. My entire fault."_

_**"I killed her…"**_

_"I will torture you like you tortured me…!"_

_"Go away! I don't want to see your face ever again."_

"_Stop it Fujitaka! What are you doing? Drop the knife or I'll call the police!"_

_" So why are you doing this to me Nadeshiko? Why must you torture me with your daughter? Why…?"_

_" I didn't threaten her. I didn't do anything. I am a good person. I didn't kill her. I didn't cheat on you. I didn't do anything!"_

I clamped a hand to my ears. I didn't want to hear anymore. Why won't those voices stop playing my head? Goddamned Voices!! Playing in my head over and over again. Why can't they just leave me alone? I whimpered to myself, pulling the comforter over me. Comforter, huh? How come it isn't _comforting_ me?

I sighed. I was definitely going crazy. Even just a precaution to assure myself some miracle hadn't just happened or from pure habit I looked outside my window. All I got was the feeling of missing the soft lull of the rain to sing me to sleep. No rain. _Where are you my friend, when I need you most?_

Who would blame me for feeling messed up? My father played hooky with his wife, and had me with anther woman. He attempted murder his own daughter, and he got away with it, because the damned Inspector thought he had a mental disease. So, now he was getting therapy in a nut house. Great. Although, my life was pretty _amazing_ before this too. Notice the sarcasm. Absolutely wonderful, and that I just found out the person I really loved the most, Mom, whom I thought didn't have any hidden secrets, wasn't related to me. Oh, but that was just a little secret, right? Not an important one. Like, she didn't cheat on anyone. Just me, since she lied! She wasn't my real mom! I felt a little guilty at thinking that. I wondered how she felt. I bet pretty fucked up too. Her situation must be even happier than mine.

_**"****I killed her…"**_

I was near tears now. He can't leave me alone, can he? And I always prided myself as not an easy crybaby. Hell, I've probably cried more in the past week, than I've done in long time. It was so easy to cry now, to give in to the confusion, to give in to the procrastination of trying to analyze it all. Since really I wasn't confused, I just didn't want to figure out. Figure out what was happening to me because it was just easier to leave all those emotions in heap somewhere, and blame it all on confusion.

Even under my comforter, fleece blanket, and all, I felt like shit and damn cold. Angrily, I pushed them all off me, and my body clashed with the cold air in the house. Shivering a bit, I swung my legs over my bedside. Slowly I walked out of my bedroom and into the hallway. The house was so silent, I noticed. It was like a queer something's-bad-silence. I just shrugged it off and thought I was really crazy. The house was only quiet because everyone was sleeping, right? Yeah, Mom had sleeping ever since I had gotten home from school.

Pushing Mom's door open, I saw a heap under a bundle of covers. Walking quietly not awake her, I climbed in. I snuggled in with her, resting my head on her back as she was sleeping facing away from me. It felt a little odd though and she wasn't warm. She kind of felt cold. I just ignored the feeling and threw it away like I did with the other feeling; she must be cold for the same reason as I was. (Fall) And it only felt odd; because I just found out I wasn't related to her. That's all. But, I knew she still loved me. She will and has been there for me when I needed her. Trust her, since she brought me up with her own hands.

_Then why did she lie to you?_

The empty question echoed. I closed my eyes. She loved me and wanted to protect me. She was a normal mother. I was her daughter. That question can't interfere. Nothing can. I realized then, that she was my real mother. My biological mother hadn't taught me to read, to write, to play, to sing, to laugh, and to smile since Mom did. Nadeshiko was dead. Mom was alive, and was going to be there for me. Why had I doubted that before? I began to calm down slowly. Gradually my eyelids became droopier and droopier with each second. I began to search for something mentally.

That's when I noticed something. Mom wasn't _breathing_. I jerked straight.

Violently I pulled the covers off. She looked normal; her eyes closed and hands tucked behind her face in a sleeping position; but you can't go by looks. I got out of the bed and kneeled next to her. My mind began searching for something to do. What am I _supposed _to do? Mom isn't breathing!

I lifted her limp wrist and checked her pulse with my index finger. I almost shivered at her touch. It wasn't there. And she was _cold_, really cold.

Not knowing what else to do, I pulled her so she was facing upward. I inspected her face, now abnormally discolored. I didn't like this. I didn't like this at all. I tried to convince myself she was okay.

_Why isn't she breathing? Where is her pulse?_

Maybe she forgot._ Forgot_? No one just forgets how to breathe! I mentally slapped myself.

I started to shake her roughly. "Mom! Wake up!" I called desperately. She wasn't sleeping, but even though I knew that, something compelled to me shake her again.

"Open your eyes. I'm right here! Please…" I begged, in vain. She didn't open her eyes. They remained tightly shut. I was going to give up and cry.

I couldn't do that. I needed determination. Syaoran wouldn't give up this easily, would he? No. I had seen him fall over hurdles many times, and pick himself up again. What was the difference here? I just had to pick myself up again. To just try until she opens her eyes, is what I'll do.

_There is a difference, hurdles don't kill you… and she might be dead._

"She isn't dead!!" I whispered to myself, my voice sounding strange and very hoarse. Trying to shrug it off, I tried again.

"Mom, it's ok. You just have to open your eyes…" No answer.

"Damn it Mom! What's wrong with you?" No answer again. I began to get anxious. I shook her again.

_Mom, where are you? What happened to you? Please just open your eyes._

It was my new mantra. I chanted it over and over again in hopes she would open her eyes. But, I wasn't making any progress. Tears I had locked up, spilled. I shut my eyes tightly hoping it'd stop the tears. If I was crying, then something bad had to have happened right? Everything's just fine. Just fine, then why the fuck am I crying?!

I slumped on the bedside and buried my face in my hands. What do I do now? _Cry_…sobs rushing easily out of me. I bit my lip and hiccupped. I needed to keep a straight head. I needed to be rational.

Brushing away my wet eyes with my wrists, I got up. First step, look for clues to explain the situation.

_Aren't I supposed to call 911 first?_

No. Nothing was wrong with her. She was fine. I should only call that number in case of an emergency. There was no life stake here.

_Yeah, completely fine, no pulse, and not breathing. She was just fine._

Stop it! Leave me alone! I shook my head vigorously as if getting rid of that little voice. Turning on her lamp, I pulled her bedside table's drawer roughly. What was I looking in here for? She wouldn't have anything in here. Noth-

"Ambien…" Sleeping pills? I read the bottle more carefully.

_Short-term cure for insomnia…read other side for more information_

Mom couldn't sleep? She took sleeping pills? For how long? My head felt dizzy at these possibilities. I unscrewed the lid, and gasped. There was but a couple left in the bottle. That means had she overdosed? Or had she just been taking them for a long time? Planning her death?

I threw the rest of the contents of the drawer around aimlessly in my rage. Old bills, more bills, more bills, damn it! More bills, pens, pencils, old notebooks, gum wrappers, and a jewelry box with a lock. Using my birthdate as the lock combination I opened it. There was tons of stones and-

A note addressed Sakura. That was me, so it must be for me. It was folded carefully and there was a bump in the middle as if it had something else hidden in there. I opened it tentatively, the crinkling of the paper telling me it had been long since it was folded, and a golden bracelet dropped. I didn't notice it too much and started to read the letter first:

**_Dear Saku,_**

**_I don't know when you'll find this, but as long as you've found it and can read it. I wrote this letter when I just found you on my doorstep with a little tag around your neck saying 'Sakura'. (I hope I had the TALK with you before you read this…if you don't know what I'm talking about, go up to me and ask!)-_**

I never had the 'talk'. But, I kept on reading since I knew what the 'talk' was for. I'm adopted.

**_Your probably nonplussed, right? It's ok. Let me explain:_**

**_Today is January 21, 1988. You are just a baby and I don't know how many months you are. You can't talk and can't walk, so I assumed you were around nine months. But, your father, being as smart as he is, told me you were only six months. So that is how we got your birthdate. After we do some legal boring stuff, the adoption agency (we had to inform them of you first, then adopt you...) said you would be ours in two more months. I am overjoyed! You are now probably twenty to twenty-one, visiting home aren't you? So, you are mature enough to understand this letter._**

Not even close. I'm just sixteen. That's it. Then, I went back to reading:

**_Inside here is a bracelet. A pure golden bracelet by Nicc'e. It is a very expensive one, so don't lose it! It isn't from me; you were clutching it tightly when I first found you. This is a part of you, so keep it. What's very interesting about this is that Nicc'e stopped making jewelry at least fifty years ago. Yet it has your name engraved on it. So, I suppose it was a type of family heirloom. But, now it's yours! And it's rare, so consider you lucky._**

**_One more thing. I don't know what I'm going to do in the future, but right now I'm not on speaking terms with my sister. So, if our Christmases are empty or 'were' for you, and our house was devoid of any relatives, blame it on my sister and I. Yes, I have a sister. If you ever need her help, I'm sure she'd be glad to help you, this is her: Yelan Li, 23 Miyusaki Circle, her number: 236-179-5033._**

_**I hope, in case of any emergency you can rely on her. Well, you dad is home and he's mighty hungry! I have to go cook dinner, then make arrangements to bring you home in two months! I love you sweetie and don't you ever forget that! (No matter what previous fights we could've just had…) No matter where I am either, (That is you might be living far away from home accomplishing your dreams!) I will always love you!**_

_** Loads of love,**_

_** Mom (I could get used to this Mom thing from you!)**_

Tears formed in my eyes. Mom…I love you too. I picked up to the bracelet, with my name engraved on it. It was beautiful, but I didn't want to look at it. Picking up the phone from the table, I dialed a number.

The only number I knew that could help me through this:

_**236-179-5033………………………**_

(A/N: Sorry for the short chappie! The next chapter will be longer and Sakura will meet Syaoran, formally! So, stay tuned! -God, I sound like a TV show thingy ma bob…)


	4. SyaoranSakura: The Phone Calls

(A/N: blah shmah…. I can't believe I got past chapter three! I have never finished a story before-probably because I'm still learning how to write properly-and I just might be able to do this after all! I hope so…I'm not a good author person, but I am trying to learn from reading lots of good fics…so this is like a trial for me…and I'm learning and learning and learning…whoo…lot's of learning!)

Thank you, for reviewing everyone! You guys are SO nice to me!

**chikichiki- **Thank you!

**dragonspirit88- **Thanks; I worked hard on the last chappie. And hmm, what do you know? They'll meet in this chappie!

**angel-demoness: **Sakura didn't call 911 because she was sort of having a nervous breakdown, I think you could call it, and the irrational part of her didn't listen to the little voice. She thought the mere act of calling 911 _would_ make it an emergency. That she didn't want. So, by not calling, in her head she was sort of convincing herself everything would be okay. Finally she chooses on impulse to call Yelan's number.

**Camera-Happy**: Thank you! No one's ever told me that before, and I'm flattered…since no one really- before I discovered this site a little while ago-, has gave me more than a 'it's good' or 'it's _okay_'. Thank you so much!! (Yeah, OOC makes sense now:)

**Twilight-star1: **I'm sorry you're confused (I've had people on ficpress say that to me too, I think I'm just a confusing person) but I'm glad you find it interesting enough to continue!

**Maisuki-Chan**: I always look forward to your review! It's so long, interesting, and funny! Grins, your comments are so kawaii! (Lol…Holy Shmicherfaults!)

Uhh, is it possible to be on someone's author alert list, yet not have a review from them? I'm confused…anyway enough of my ramblings…boy, do I talk a lot ();;

Disclaimer: I don't own CCS…but we all know I wish I did…

**Chapter Three: The Phone Calls – Syaoran and Sakura**

I drummed my fingers boredly on the oak desk as Mama continued to talk to whomever on the phone. It was late into in the night, and I was sleepy. But, first I had to _talk_ to Mama. I wanted to get out fast, yet here she was on the phone.

"Oh hold on just a second please-" She lifted the phone from her ear and glared at me, "Stop tapping!" I slouched further into the chair, and rapped my knuckles on my knees instead.

"Yes, okay, okay, I'm certain, I'll make sure he does that, No, No, …it's okay, Yes, yes, sure, I'll talk to you later Mrs. Mifvitza. Bye…" She hung the telephone back in its place. Grabbing a piece of paper she started to write something. Without looking at me she said, " Syaoran, I'm extremely disappointed in your behavior you displayed in front of the Patels yesterday. What caused you to act like that?" I wanted to ask her what made _her_ act like that. But, I knew better than to retort to Mama. Man, women like her didn't like that stuff.

"Mama, I'm tremendously sorry for the discomfort I have caused you with my crude actions I committed yesterday in the presence of guests. My temper had gotten a better hold of me." I answered monotonously; my speech perfectly arranged the night before and rehearsed. Just the way Mama like it, with huge words too. See, I can use them!

She looked up from her paper and pulled her glasses of her face. Massaging her nose where the glasses should've been resting, she inhaled sharply. I was just about seethe in anger; what else did she want in the apology? More big words? Okay, I'll just go get the dictionary or thesaurus or whatever! What did she want?

"Did you prepare this?" She asked, irritated.

"Yeah, I did. I worked hard on it." I replied triumphantly. What is wrong with the apology? It is fine.

"Then I don't want it. Okay, now I'm asking you again. Why did you do that yesterday? Talk like that? I've never heard you speak so…so…" Mama struggled for a word.

"Smart?" I offered hopefully.

"No." She refused automatically. What was that supposed to mean?

"Hmm…well, I had no idea you could just talk like _that_. Really, I didn't expect such an outburst from you!" I blinked. What did she think of me? A retard, or something?

"And…?" I asked her, hoping she'd get to the point, incase I may have missed it somewhere. I did that sometimes.

"And, I want to know why you did that?" She asked again. I had to think about that one. Why _did_ I give a whole long, damn speech when it could've been done in an easier, less talkative way? I mean, jeez, I didn't know I knew that stuff.

"Because you keep setting me up! I wanted the message to get you, Mama. I don't want set ups. I'm nowhere near old enough to think of marriage. Besides, I'm so busy with the Insomnia Races. I can't just get married, or promised off!" Wow, there goes my mouth again. Hmm, maybe I _can_ be smart and just don't know it. Like, he who knows but does not know he knows is asleep; please wake him. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Like I know, but I didn't know I knew, and I woke myself up so that I knew that I knew I was smart, so in conclusion- I _am_ smart…whoa, that sounds like a bunch of _gibberish_. Damn, I must be wrong, and Mama must be right. And so what if I _am_ a big ret-

"Syaoran? Stop daydreaming! I have many other appointments to attend to so I do not have much time here with you." She snapped.

_Oh, so I'm just another stupid appointment in your fucking day, huh? _

Ten, nine, eight, seven… I calmed down. Wow, I can change moods quickly. And I thought only women like Mama did that…jeez, that's why I'm _her_ son I guess.

"Okay, enough of that. Let us compromise here. You don't want to get married yet, right? That is fine with me." She paused as I waited for the catch. _Please let it be bearable_ –whoa, I complimented myself, nice word-

"You have to attend the school I choose this year." I started to breathe faster. What school? Please don't let it be…. not that sch-

Mama opened her mouth to say the name of the school-abruptly the shrill ring of her cell phone interrupted. She glowered at me as if _I_ had purposely with my magical powers (ha ha, I wish) made the phone ring. Saved by the ring. Or was that supposed to be a bell?

"Hello…who?" She looked perplexed. My interest was piqued. Who was calling? All I could figure out about this person was that he must know that Mama had all her calls filtered and it would take a long time before he actually talked to her. That was really smart and stuff but how'd the person actually get her private cell phone number?

"S-Sakura?…Yes, I am." She listened patiently. I watched on inquisitively, who is Sakura? Immediately as if on cue, Mama's eyes widened, and she looked dazed. Now, this was interesting. Things do not faze Mama easily. (Exception for yesterday when she acted _so_ weird; I still don't know why she did _that_.)

"Dear Lord, what? She's out c-c-cold? Not breathing? Are you sure, honey?" I raised my eyebrows skeptically. Who was this lame-o? Ha, probably one of those losers who called Mama with those sympathetic stories to try and fool her into lending money. Although as I said before, why was she fooled now?

"Okay, I'm coming. I'll be right there sweetie. Don't worry. Everything will be ok," Mama continued in a soothing tone. How come she never used that tone with me? Now she was using it for a pathetic sap.

"Syaoran," She commanded, yet her voice faltering, "Drive me to Takura Hills."

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The drive was a silent one since no one in their right minds would be out this late, and on the road, unless of course you were at Misaki's party. Damn, why hadn't I taken up that offer? She had another party tonight, but Mama needed to 'talk' to me. Missed two of her parties in the same friggin week!

I glanced at Mama, to be surprised once more that she appeared nervous. Cross that, _very anxious_. I let out a sigh and went back to keeping my attention on driving. Second time her tough exterior was scratched. Perhaps, she might get rid of it altogether one day?

This whole situation bothered me a lot. There was much wrong with scene, and I couldn't even count up to that much. Besides, I _was not_ Mama's chauffer. That meant she wanted me to drive, since she must have some sort of emotional stress and doesn't want the 'public' or 'anyone outside the LI name' to see her overcome by that. Well, I _think_ so or I could be thinking too much because what if her chauffer wasn't awake this late? Who _was_? Me…I sighed again.

"Stop sighing, and keep your eyes where they belong." She said aggravated. Whoa, who put ants in her pants? (A/N: I just had to do THAT!! Lol…)

I followed the route, and soon we arrived at Takura Hills. I slowed down to hear Mama give me more specific directions.

"Right around that bend. Up to the cul-de-sac." I obeyed, and as I drove, the surroundings began to look somewhat familiar. Then it hit me, like I've never been hit before and I have been hit pretty hard before. That girl was Saku-

"Syaoran!" She snapped, for like the umpteenth time, "How many times do I have to tell you to watch what you are doing?" Damn, what was her problem? Ignoring her, I pulled into the cul-de-sac. After getting out myself, I opened the door for Mama. She doesn't get out or else, you _have_ to open for her. And it has to be done by a 'gentleman'.

She stood up briskly, and dusted herself off. Then she marched in regal strides toward the door. I followed behind her, hands in my pockets, admiring the night sky.

At reaching the door, Mama lifted her hand to ring the doorbell. It rang several times before I heard a thud of feet coming down the stairs.

The door swung open. She stood there, in her pink pajamas, and lifted her head up to meet our eyes. They were red and swollen, like she'd been crying. Crying…? Her beautiful auburn hair was disheveled around her face. Then I remembered I still had her ribbons in my jacket pocket from that little incident.

I waited for her to do something, but all her attention was on Mama. She didn't even scream when she saw me! In fact, she didn't even look at me. Just at Mama. They stared for a couple of seconds, before Mama opened her arms out. She hesitated, but then walked into the embrace. They were crying in a just few seconds. I averted my gaze. I hated crying people; I never knew what to do. So, would anyone care to fill me in?

"She's …" I heard her whisper and Mama clutched her tighter. I wasn't looking, I wasn't looking, Okay so I was looking! What, or who, were they talking about? I was not a happy camper. I was not an included camper either, for I didn't know what the heck they were crying about!

They let go of each other, and headed upstairs. Leaving me downstairs, as if I wasn't there. Wasn't I? What was going on? But, I didn't have the heart to ask either of them. I let them go on, and I sulked in the couch.

I don't know how much time passed, but then suddenly I heard a loud wail and sirens. Immediately, I rushed up the large spiral stairs. Walking quickly, I swung each door open to locate who and where the person was screaming. I found the lucky door. Pushing it hard, the door was heavy, my eyes widened. I saw-

**Sakura's Pov:**

Slamming the phone in its handle, I cradled my face in my hands. I started to cry again. Mom, mom, mom, where are you?

The doorbell rang. She was here. Brushing away tears, I rushed down the stairs, tripping on my way.

Yelan's going to make it okay. She was her sister. Mom's going to open her eyes for her sister, right? Everything will be okay. This is a false alarm. Not an emergency.

I opened the door. My hopes crashed down, like passengers would smash in a dead plane. It was not her air that killed them. She had an air of confidence, intelligence, and level head-ness. It was not her immediate appearance that did it. She had a sharp-featured face, and her black hair was in a bun, in a no-nonsense way. It was her eyes, her soft, deep eyes. Appearing depressed and I stared at her, for how similar Mom looked in comparison. Her eyes started to water, making me quickly follow her path.

It was so damn hard not to cry. To not let it get to me. The suspicions and doubts…they were too much to even admit aloud in my thoughts.

_Nothing is wrong._

Somehow that little voice was compelling me to think otherwise. But, I could not. I would not. It isn't true. I'm lying and confusing myself.

Yelan outstretched her arms to me. Offering sympathy? I don't need sympathy! Mom's is okay! She's not even sick!

_Then why did you call Yelan if nothing was wrong?_

Pushing all thoughts away, I let myself be embrace by a stranger. I thought it would be awkward, but it wasn't. It was soothing and pacifying, easing my nerves, like Mom's hugs. I wanted to stay there, and not have to go upstairs ever again. To see Mom like that was something I couldn't handle. But, I had to.

"She's…" I barely got to finish my sentence. Her arms tightened around me, almost pleading not to say what she thought. I struggled to tell her. I struggled with myself.

Finally she released me. Taking her by the hand, I led her upstairs. We turned through the many hallways and reached the dreaded destination. Slowly, I opened Mom's bedroom door. She was in the same position I left her in. Face, looking upward, eyes closed tightly, and hands at side. My cherry blossom fleece blanket was strewn across her body, to keep her warm. I put it there, because she was cold earlier. So, maybe if she were warm now, wouldn't she open those eyes for me?

Yelan inched behind me, almost like _cowered _behind me. Afraid. Afraid of Mom? No, afraid of what could be. Key word: _Could_.

Kneeling over Mom, as I had once done, Yelan checked for her pulse. I knew the answer. None. I handed her the empty sleeping pill bottle. She shut her eyes tightly and exhaled. "I think it's best we call an ambulance." I wanted to shout. To scream! We can't do that! Then it will be an emergency.

_It isn't an emergency anymore. Mom is dead._

A loud wail erupted. It look time to find out that, it was I who was heaving. Me. Once I started, I couldn't stop. Tears, tears, and more tears.

Sirens wailed. Sirens, how familiar. Just like a week ago.

"Honey," Yelan asked, her voice shaking, "Let's call Touya." She was right. I completely forgot about calling him. I didn't even know where he was, but that wasn't something new. Touya and I weren't very close.

She picked up the phone again and asked me for the number. I reluctantly gave it to her. This was _his_ mom, technically_. Why am I thinking like that? Was?_

"Hello? Touya? It's your Aunt Yelan. Where are you now, sweetie?" She paused. "Oh, okay. Well, can you drive home please? I'm sorry to bother you so late, but I'm afraid your Mom isn't in her best health." Her voice didn't falter this time. She sounded confident. It didn't help. Mom isn't here anymore.

The door swung open. I raised my head to look at the visitor.

Time seemed to stop. He gazed at me with his expressive, yet familiar amber eyes. They drew me to him. Later I found out, he was Syaoran Li. But, that didn't occur to me right now. He was confused and didn't know what was going on. His stared flickered from his Mother, I assume, to Mom, and back to me. His eyes showed sympathy. Does everyone feel I need it? I didn't need that. I wanted Mom. I was the first to break the glance.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was cold outside, but not as cold as I felt when the nurses took Mama away in a stretcher. I shuddered. She was gone, forever. The Inspector walked up to me, but he stood in front of me. I was thankful. I didn't want to answer any damned questions. Not now. Not ever.

"Ahh, Mr. Li! I know you! My daughter keeps a poster of you in her bedroom!" The Inspector exclaimed.

"Uhh, sure." He replied, stonily.

" Could you please move, so I may question Ms. Kinomoto and take her statement?" He asked.

"I'm sorry sir, her condition isn't well."

"I need to talk to her." He said more fiercely.

"Did you say your daughter was my fan? I could give her an autograph." Good work, I thought. Thank you. Both of them trudged away. I sat down on the porch, thinking, when I heard someone.

"Sakura, sweetie?" It was Yelan.

"Mhmm…" I didn't have enough strength to say another word.

"Come home with us tonight, okay?" I nodded. I looked around to see if Touya had come yet. He hadn't. I still wondered where he was.

It was almost morning now. Rosy-fingered dawn, cool air stretched out against us, and the memories of last night slowly fading away into the darkness. It was till there. It still hurt, but a numb feeling settled over me. I was no longer Sakura, but just an on-looker. A word drifted away from me before I could catch it and hold onto it forever.

_Mom…_

(A/N: Uh…sorry, this was really short too and my story is going at a SLOW pace, and gomen for switching the POV's half way through the chapter... Lol, well they met, but it wasn't really formal enough. Writing is hard…! Well, I'm trying, and hopefully crosses fingers, the next chapter will be better…)


	5. Sakura: Already Forgotten

(A/N: I feel lazy. And tired. So, thank you everyone for the reviews, and I won't be doing much babbling today…I'm kind of in a bad mood, I can't seem to find the right song and choreography for our talent show try out act…so I'm bummed…bear with me here…warning ahead: this'll be pretty short…GOMEN!!)

Chapter Five: Forgotten – Sakura

_"Sakura!" Mom yelled to me. I began to panic and tried to hold on to her. "Let go of me!" She ordered. _

_"No, Mom! You're going to fall of the cliff! I don't want to let go!" I shrieked back at her. What was she talking about? Letting her go? Why would I ever do that? I don't want her to… Not when I have the chance to save her. I held her small hand even more firmly. My palms were now sweaty and I was going to make sure they didn't 'slip'. _

_"Honey," She said gently, her voice barely audible over the howling of the wind. I glanced at her, how could she be so calm when she's in danger like this? Why isn't she worried for herself? _

_"You'll never be able to go on. Let my hand go, because if you really love me you will." When I hesitated, she said urgently, "Each moment is painful for me." I almost didn't catch the words._

_She then whispered, "Honey, I love you. Please let me go. I can't if you don't." Exactly the point, isn't it? Why should I let her go when she can stay? _

_She shut her eyes in pain and winced visibly. Guilt Trip. My grip loosened on her hands. Although, I didn't want her to go. I wanted her to stay with me. _

_My clutch tightened again. What am I supposed to do? _

…_**Let her go**…_

_I bit my lip. Mom wanted to go because she needed to go. It would be selfish and wrong to keep her here like this. I slowly let her hand slip from mine. Before I knew it, there was no warm hand underneath mine. Cold air collided with my bare one. My stomach knotted and I could feel my eyes sting. Why did I goddamn let go? …it seemed the wailing breeze felt the way I did too. Mourning…_

_I suddenly felt warm tears wet my cheek. I was left with an unbearable feeling of regret and loneliness. I felt sick. Very, very sick. _

…_**Crying again**…_

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Little cold droplets hit my bare arms, and my face. I closed my eyes. It was raining. My breathing slowed down along with my tears. The rain enveloped me like a blanket, a cold one. I could feel something in my veins, just blazing. _

_Then I heard the first beat. It rang through the empty field, over the cliff, in my heart, and ears and the echo was soon fading away gradually. I lifted my arms over my head._

_One by one, the melody began to play it's charm on me. They were familiar and loving, like last time. Yet, this time there was no curiosity. Only a soothing sensation. Each drop as it clashed with my burning skin, closed another hurting wound. I could feel the ease invade me. I felt great. _

_"Sakura…" A voice called to me faintly. _

_"Sakura…" The voice got louder._

"Sakura…"

"SAKURA!" I sat straight up. My eyes were half way open and I looked at my blurry surroundings.

"What…?" I managed to croak groggily since my voice had not come to me yet. Then I noticed my hair was drenched. And I was wearing a pink robe on top of _wet _clothes…the first thing that came to mind: _rain_?

"Oh, Sakura you are awake." I blinked a while before I could focus on the speaker. Who was she?

" Oh, sweetie, you slept all through yesterday. I thought you were in a coma! We are very glad you're awake now. How are you feeling?" The woman asked me, her amber eyes showing real concern.

" Umm…" I was dumbfounded and little anxious. Where was I? I looked around the room. It was huge. HUGE!! This wasn't my room! My room was small…and pink. Not blue with all this extra furniture.

My gaze returned to the woman. She seemed vaguely familiar; in fact she looked a lot like Mom. Mom! Where was Mom? She must be so worried about me!

Oh no, I thought, where was I? Most importantly, what happened? I racked my brain for a plausible explanation. All I could remember was coming home, dad yelling at me, him going away, the week floating away lifelessly, Touya gone somewhere, and…that's it. What happened next? I came home from school, and I did my homework. Yeah, like any other day. Any other normal day. Then I went to sleep. So what happened after that? How did I end up here the next morning? I almost gasped in realization, I must of run away from home and someone must have found me! Then how come I don't remember any of it?

The woman saw the confusion in my eyes, and furrowed her eyebrows. "Are you okay honey?"

"No," I shook my head getting nervous, "Who are you?" My voice was urgent and confused.

Her eyes widened, and she murmured softly, "They said this would happen." My breathing quickened.

"W-What?"

"You don't who I am right?" I nodded and she moved from the doorway to sitting in the chair next my canopy bed, and then inspected me closely. Her voice was soft, " Do you know who you are?"

"Y-Yes." I answered in a high pitched voice that wasn't mine. I was just scared. I tired to console myself with facts: I was Sakura Kinomoto. Sixteen. Lived at Takura Hills. Youngest senior at high school.

She inhaled deeply before pressing her lips together. She said, "I'm Yelan Li. Your Mom's sister. Your Auntie."

I just blinked. "Where's Mom?"

She struggled and squirmed. I began to get worried. "Did something happen to Mom? Is she okay?"

"No. She isn't." Her voice broke. The effect scared me. What the hell happened to Mom?

"What about Mom?" I was frantic now.

"S-She's not here anymore. We lost her, I'm sorry." Lost? Lost? What the fuck does that mean? Her gaze was lowered so she didn't see my glare.

"What-"

"She's dead Sakura." Her voice turned harsh. I blinked in surprise. My dream came back to me. _She's dead…_ I was empty. Devoid. It felt like I had been a well that was now dried up. _Mom wanted to go_ and I let her go. My stomach lurched.

The silence was unbearable. Standing up, Yelan dusted herself off and left the room in a hurry. Suddenly my lower lip trembled. I had a sick feeling I was going to cry again. And I didn't know why.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Wrapping the towel around myself tightly, I walked outside the luxurious bathroom. I felt better from using all those bath stuffs. Lying on the bed neatly were clothes.

There was a little above the knee length gray pleated skirt. And a white collared shirt. Looked like my uniform, I thought as I put the clothes on. My hair was no longer wet (thanks to the five minute hair dryer) and I used my plain white ribbon I had with me since yesterday to tie in my hair like a headband. I lost my cherry blossoms earlier. I wish I had them. Just like I wish I knew what was going on. But, right now I was in the lull of the storm. I was numb. Not for long though.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

"She doesn't remember? What do you mean?" A familiar male voice asked. My breath quickened. Who was he? I knew that voice from somewhere-

"She has amnesia." The lady who claimed she was my 'Auntie' stated stiffly. Amnesia. So that's what I had. Why I couldn't remember.

" The doctor warned us about this, remember? She couldn't handle the truth, so she pushed it to the back of her mind. To forget it ever happened or at least that's the way her body wants to deal with this." Deal with what? I had the urge to slam open the door and demand answers from these people, but I didn't. A part of me just wanted to eavesdrop, crouch back here, and listen. So that's what I did.

"Anyhow, it's better for her this way." She simply said. Better?

"How? Why would it be better?" His voice sounded confused as I was.

There was a long pause in the room, or they were whispering so softly I couldn't hear.

"Imagine how bad that would be for her to remember how she had been alone that night. To see the face of her dead mother." She stated openly. I found her dead? Irritation overwhelmed me. I wanted to know.

"-and how she could've saved her but didn't. That she dawdled too long." Her voice sounded cross. I dawdled? It was my fault Mom died?

There was another long pause.

"Come now, Syaoran. The woman could've been saved if Sakura just called 911 for immediate help." I couldn't believe my 'Auntie' was saying that. Mom would still be alive if it wasn't for me? I-I-I had killed her? Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt my breathing get tight. I felt like I was wheezing. I couldn't breathe.

I gasped again. And again. I couldn't breathe!

Finally, I caught it. I let go and exhaled. My heart was hammering and my head was pounding.

_I killed her._

But, I refused to let myself think that. I didn't want to blame myself. It wasn't my fault. But the frustration once again soaked me. I couldn't remember! What happened on that day? What did I do?

"-you're going to Kero Star Academy tomorrow." I heard a groan. Kero Star? That was for rich people…

"No, not that school." He begged.

"Uh-uh Syaoran. Either this or marriage, so have your pick. I'm making Sakura attend too." Syaoran? Like in Syaoran Li? Perhaps just a coincidence, but, there aren't really many other Syaoran's. It had to be him. He was my Mom's nephew? Again my pulse quickened. _It was him…_

"She's going?" He asked, a little perked.

"Yes, she is. So are you." Her voice sounded stiff. There was another long pause that should've been my hint to 'git' and leave. But, I had just stood up when someone walked out of the door. It was Syaoran Li.

He looked at me startled a bit. I bit my lip, a habit.

"Uh, hi. I'm Syaoran Li." He beamed expectantly. I knew it! My pulse started racing even faster. He looked… cuter in person. His chestnut banks fell into his deep amber eyes like renegades. My eyes roamed. He was and wasn't the same athletic track champion I saw on television. He was wearing baggy black jeans and a forest green shirt that said 'I'm the cause of your Insomnia" Oh, did he ever know.

He looked totally normal Syaoran. But, I noticed something else that I didn't know before. He had a tattoo. Of cherry blossoms and peonies. On his neck, which should hurt a lot. It had me thinking. Why? It didn't seem to fit with his character. His 'I'm a winner and I'm laid back gals' outlook. The tattoo made him seem soft. Like a petal.

I blinked out of my lame thoughts. The silence was overwhelming and I didn't have a clue what I was supposed to say. _Uh, I already know you? You're my crush that I've been crushing on for two years? The first one I've ever had? _I was surprised I could joke with myself so soon. Maybe I haven't started hurting yet.

He smiled, not the one he used when on television, to fill he awkward silence. This was real, and sweet. I didn't know anyone's smile could be that…great. It was a smile I was sure I hadn't seen before yet I knew I had. My heart fluttered madly.

His hand whipped into his pocket and he pulled something pink out. He opened his hand and extended it to me. I noticed his hand was shaking.

It was a ribbon, a pink ribbon with a pink cherry blossom print. Instantly I knew, the rain, the dance, the honk, and the smile. The same tender one that was on his face now. I felt like jelly. Or like I was swimming in his crazy smile. I had the urge to slap on a lop-sided grin too. I think I just did. He grinned wider. Now we're both crazy…

But that's when I did something stupid. Something I only expected from obsessed fans or from anorexic people. Either way, I didn't expect it from myself. I did something stupid: let me repeat.

My head felt dizzy and was pounding away. My heartbeat was thundering. My breath was now coming in gasps as before. Images were a blur.

I fainted.

(A/N: Short, I know, but bear with me. My act needs to get in shape!!! So, I am!! Okay!?!? Ha ha ha ha, I am a little moody and a bit on the crazy side today, excuse me…hope you liked it and aren't mad…pwetty please review? Maybe it'll make me feel much much better, and I'll write more…-MAJOR HINT HERE PEEPS- okay, well me gots to go now…I have to practice… )


	6. Sakura: Smiles

f(A/N: I'm back. La la la –I'm back- la la la- I'm back…thanks for da reviews…la la la-I'm back-…don't you just love my song and me? Please tell me you do) D

(I'm terribly sorry, I couldn't do Syao's POV! I just couldn't… so this is Sakura's POV again…hehe, don't hate me? U just told me that u loved me…right? )

Disclaimer: I don't own CCS. If I did, why would I be here in the first place? COMMON SENSE PEEPS…hahahaha

Chapter Six: Smiles– Sakura-chan   
Today was sunny and bright. A supposedly 'cheerful' day. I wasn't having too much fun. I was sitting in my dorm room, sulking. I had no intention of going out, at least right now and perhaps never. My cheeks flamed. I had actually fainted. I couldn't believe it. So naturally, I would not want to go and face Syaoran again now would I? Because I didn't. Or I did? I didn't know. I just wanted to stay in here and not face anyone for the rest of my life, since I had no idea what was going on. When I did figure out-which probably would only happen in never-land, I still wouldn't go outside. Those kids were just plain mean. They didn't say stuff, that isn't the way with these people, they just stared at you-looked you over like you were dirt or something- but it wasn't anything I wasn't used to. I was never exactly 'popular' at school either, although, right now I wasn't in the mood to take that kind of treatment from anyone. Maybe I just wanted to be left alone. 

At the same time, and weighing the other hand, sitting in this empty room alone makes me very anxious. It makes me feel like I'm going to bite my own head off- not such a pleasant thought actually. The walls were painted a sickly baby pink, which was starting to blind my eyes. I had a disturbing thought: what if all I could see after this is pink? I didn't like pink much, and I had no intention of seeing it the rest of my life. A strange feeling just propelled me to cover my eyes with my hands. Now I couldn't see any pink. I had another perturbing thought: If the room is so weird, wouldn't my roommate who decorated be just as weird? Suddenly, I was even surer that I didn't want to meet her.

Could things just more confusing here anyways? I didn't know who these people were and before I got a chance too, I just had to come to this school, for preppy rich kids, which that is one thing I am certainly not. My mom's…dead. And somehow I got stuck with him, Syaoran who I never thought I would even get a chance to glimpse of. Except for that one night in the rain. But, that did that really count? He remembered me of course, since he still had my ribbons. My ribbons. That reminded me they were still not in my possession. I hadn't taken them back…of course since I had swooned. That wasn't usually the type of thing I do. It scared me a bit.

Suddenly, the door swung open. I couldn't see who it was, since for my odd reason I had covered my eyes. I heard a long pause.

"Uh?" A hesitant female voice sounded in the empty room. Immediately I got rid of the hands. What was I doing anyways? Great first impression I made on my roommate, her eyebrows were raised. Her lips were pursed and she looked at me with a weird expression on her face. She was definitely a rich preppy snobby-

I didn't answer. Why did I need to? I could be queer if I wanted to. Finally she broke our silence.

"Never mind I asked," She asked and then smiled; to my surprise it wasn't a your-revolting-but-I'm-cool-enough-to-be-polite smile. It was more like I-don't-know-you-yet-and-even-though-you-were-queer-I-like-you smile. I'm good at translating smiles, is it obvious?

"Hi, my name's Tomoyo Daidouji." She said happily, titling her head to me cutely. She took her expensive looking purse off her shoulder and placed it on top of her dresser all the while looking at me expectantly. I had just realized that she was the Daidouji heiress of their fashion and toy line.

"Nice to meet you, Daidouji-san, I'm Sakura Kinomoto." I introduced myself, and smiled back. Although however, it soon disappeared.

Her eyes inspected me carefully over again, and said quietly, "Oh so…you're the girl…" Then she said just as softly as before, "I'm so sorry, I heard." News went around fast.

The thing was I didn't want sympathy from anyone. Sorry? Is that going to bring her back? That's what always comes to mind when someone mentions Mom. Back at Aunty's house, I got tons of flowers and chocolates, saying the same message, sending the same fake empathy probably all from Mom's fans at Nicc'e. Or from Mom's opponent's fans, who would be glad their elected would be president. Resentment would usually tear me up inside, somehow making me cry again wishing to be in Mom's arms again.

But, her words hung in the air like a waft of a disappearing perfume. I almost stirred at how she said it and I looked at her again, seeing her amethyst eyes watching me curiously. No bitter feelings filled me.

I whispered what she wanted to hear, "I'm okay." Even though I wasn't.

She tried to lighten up the air by saying jauntily, "Well, if we stay here any longer we won't. Let me show you around the campus or something okay?" I nodded numbly and let her lead me.

One question stopped me dead in my tracks for she suddenly inquired randomly, "What do you think of becoming my model?"

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I wiped my face off, smiling hesitantly at the new girls that Tomoyo had introduced me too. The same ones who spit, accidentally I hope, their chocolate milkshakes on me. It started when Tomoyo began to show me around.

The school was so huge, with so many rooms and halls, I kind of tuned out while Tomoyo told me about them. I had figured I could just follow someone around on the first day or something. I was just too tired to remember anything.

After a while, she led me to a more interesting place. The school outdoor café. We sat a small table with three other girls underneath a pink umbrella to keep the sun out. Tomoyo started introducing right away.

"This is Rika Sasaki," She pointed to a brown haired girl, who looked at me disdainfully, her face done away with loads of make up. I guess Tomoyo didn't see that most of her friends wanted to meet me as much as I wanted to meet them. "Rika, this is Sakura Kinomoto."

However Tomoyo is my roommate, and I felt like being polite so I said, "Konnichiwa, Sasaki-san." She just smiled back, a distasteful, contempt smile I was accustomed to getting. People had looked at even more oddly as I passed through the halls with Tomoyo. They talked in hushed whispers and stopped when I arrived. It was getting to me now.

Rika was sitting next to another girl with glasses, whom I think Tomoyo told me was Naoko. She looked nice enough at first, but I guess she didn't like me much, the way she kept whispering to Rika. I didn't like they way they kept glancing at me, reproachfully.

"And lastly, this is our kawaii Chiharu." She pointed at a blank seat. Hearing no response, we all blinked at Tomoyo. I had thought Tomoyo was odd. Just not that bizarre as to having an imaginary friend.

She quickly realized her mistake and looked at me apologizing, "She was here a moment ago. Now where'd she go?" I heard giggles from the other side of the small table.

Tomoyo stood up from our café table and squinting she looked for her 'missing' friend. She started cracking up, all of a sudden.

"S-She's-" She said between her laughter, "She's sitting on Yamazaki's lap!" That's when unfortunately for me: it happened. Maybe they had meant to? Or maybe it was just an accident, I don't know but it was all over my face and my white uniform before I could say "Crap." Not that I did anyways.

Giggling crazily again, they looked at me like I was the one who was going insane. Snorting repulsively they both muttered, "Sorry" before bursting into snickers again. I had a feeling that apology wasn't really sincere.

"Oh-my-gosh," Naoko squealed as she stood up soon after Rika did. "Look at her!"

Apparently they were so engrossed in seeing whatever 'Chiharu' was doing they didn't notice me leaving. Like I really cared anyways. I felt down right gloomy. I knew I should have never left the dorm in the first place. If I was going to start in the beginning, I should say I knew I should have been able to remember what happened-

My eyes caught a pair of amber eyes. He was heading over to me.

I froze.

"Hey," he paused catching up to me, "What happened to you?" His voice sounded casual, a tone that he'd probably use with his friends. I almost died. It was like I never fainted, or he never caught me dancing in the rain. It was as if I was his friend too. I think I died again. Whoa there kitty, I thought, only seven more lives.

I sighed and closed my eyes. "What does it look like?" Did that come off sounding really bitter? I hoped not, even though that's how I was feeling right now.

"Uh…someone had a coughing attack and spit all their chocolate milkshake over you? Either that or you must have made enemies quick. Your uniform's covered in that shit." He winced at me. When I opened my eyes again, I must admit he was worth gawking even in our stupid 'uniforms' that we had to wear even since today was technically the first day of school, but a day to laze around. Classes start tomorrow.

I pursed my lips.

An awkward silence fell over us. The kind that fell over us before I had fainted. I glanced at Syaoran who looked like he was mentally debating over something. Finally he talked.

A faint blush spread over his cheeks and he asked, "Uh, yeah, that, um, day, when you, um, you know, woke up, in our house, were you…um wet?"

I nearly fell down laughing or started slapping my knee; which I was sure something he wouldn't like to see, but despite that I smiled.

"Yes," I said curiously wondering how he was somehow related to all this, "What about that?"

"Uh…" He fidgeted. Then it occurred to me; I was making him squirm. Wow, I had no idea I could do that. "Well, you see, it's like this."

"Like what?"

"Let me finish. Uh, I couldn't sleep so I happened to be awake when you decided to sleep walk-"

"I don't sleep walk!" I cried indignantly. What was he talking about?

"You were. You went out in the rain." Suddenly his face flushed again, and I wondered what the heck was making him blush so often. He just stared at me a minute before he said, "I brought you back inside and laid one of my cousin's robes over you."

Oh, I thought, that was it. My heart warmed. He had tucked me in? Something like that…a girl could dream… "Thank you, " I replied smiling. I was certain that my jaw should have started hurting by now, the way I was smiling at everyone, but it didn't. I had a nice feeling just smiling at him.

His eyes flashed over me guiltily. I suspected he was going to tell me something else, but we were interrupted.

"Hey dude, what's taking you so long. Yamazaki's totally hot and heavy with Chiharu out there, hurry with the camera-" Suddenly he stopped and looked at me.

He adjusted his glasses, and scrutinized me with his dark navy eyes. They opened wide in shock. My gloomy feeling settled right over my fleeting pleasant one. Did I look that odd to everyone that they felt compelled to stare at me so?

"Y-You're Sakura, aren't you?" He stuttered, his eyes so wide I thought they'd swallow his face. His eyes flickered down to my Nicc'e bracelet. "You're the girl who-"

"Eriol, yeah, let's go that camera." Syaoran said nervously. We both ignored him and his attempt to steer the conversation away from me.

"I'm the girl who what?" I demanded hotly. What was going on here? Probably more than I'll ever know, I thought sourly, but I had no idea that was the very truth.

"You're the girl who-" Syaoran then took the pleasure of roughly grabbing the kid named Eriol by his shoulders and successfully dragging him off. I heard Syaoran say something warningly and Eriol replying calmly.

I just stared after them, dazedly.

**_The girl who-… what? _**

It echoed in my mind and disturbed my sleep. Not a wink that night.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I didn't get my answer to the confusion yesterday until the start of my 'first' day, at lunch. My first few periods were all right I could say modestly. I didn't really lose my way. The only bad things were the whispers, strange looks, but nothing I hadn't seen yesterday. And Tomoyo was even in my math class, so naturally she had me sit next to her while Rika shot me a dirty look. I didn't care about her so it didn't affect me too much. As I had mentioned before, my first few periods breezed along fine even though I hadn't made many friends yet.

When the lunch bell had sounded, I was glad to leave the boring abyss of history and skip outside into the halls. Just when people's looks started to assault me again, I couldn't help but feel my spirit crushed. I didn't even know why they were looking at me like that. Feeling defeated, I made my way over to the indoor (it was raining outside) cafeteria lunch line. I picked up come fries and saw that all of a sudden it seemed all the tables were full. Either that, or 'suddenly' people were saving seats for imaginary people. I had a feeling no one wanted me there, so I left with my fries. I wasn't really hungry today, so I just hurried back to my dorm room. I reached inside my pocket to find I didn't have my key with me. What great luck I had. Walking back outside the dorm halls, still ignoring people looking at me, I made my to the opposite end of the building where the restrooms were.

I sighed. I thought my idea was stupid at first, but it wasn't so bad. I ate in the bathroom. I know sick, disgusting, what about the smell? Well, I had nearly forgotten that this was Kero Star, the school for heiresses and heirs, the kids of actors and actresses, so of course why not their restrooms be completely wonderfully furnished as their large dorm rooms? The bathroom had stalls of just couches. I almost laughed hysterically; I've been doing that a lot lately. I think the architect has been watching too many chick flicks where the girls cry in the bathrooms. I bet he decided to make the girls their own couches to distress upon. Well, anyways, I should have been thankful for him making them. And the expensive smelling perfume that filled my nose as soon as I had pushed the door open. Pulling the curtain crisply shut in front of me, I brought my feet up on the soft pink couch with me as I silently ate what was left of my small lunch.

Right after I had finished and was about to get up to leave, I heard the door open and slam. Now I was sure I wasn't going anywhere soon. I sat back down, all ears.

" Oh-my-gosh, look at my butt, I think it's grown so much bigger, " A familiar voice said, sounding dreadfully upset. I just rolled my eyes and thought: get over it fat ass.

"Shut up Rika." A voice snapped harshly. I raised my eyebrows wishing I had a tape recorder, that was Rika? "Stop fussing like a baby." The same voice ordered again.

All was quiet except for a shuffle of make up supplies. Then tentatively Rika said in a dangerously low tone, "Did you hear about the new girl Sakura?"

The voice sighed impatiently. "Rika, are you some kind of idiot? Of course I know. The whole school knows. The little pesky murdering bitch." I almost gasped outright. What the fuck had they called me?

"I wasn't talking about that. She acts as if she doesn't know anything. Like she hadn't killed her mother and covered it up so sloppily. I meant about the fact that she had done it to gain Nicc'e. Did you see her golden bracelet? Betchya one hundred percent it was a part of the 'penniless' amount she received after her death." Rika said, "Ugh, my eyes are such a drag. Can I borrow come of you concealer?" My heart was beating so fast I thought it'd burst out of my body. Is that why everyone looked me like that? It dawned on me.

**_You're the girl who killed her mother. _**

No one has said it aloud. I heard it aloud to myself. Hot tears stung at my eyes. I stifled my crying by carelessly throwing my hand over my mouth. My stomach lurched and I had a faint feeling of sickness growing in my throat and my lower abdomen.

"Sure," The voice replied boredly then said, "I heard that too. My cousin and I are actually stuck with her now. But, I have a question how would Zariel have anything to give her if she hadn't won the campaign in the first place Rika?"

"Come on Meilin, you aren't supposed to be that stupid right?" Rika teased than said seriously, "Zariel's mom owns Nicc'e! So likewise, remember she died?" I didn't know any of this. When did my grandma die? My stomach lurched lethally again.

"Yes…" Meilin muttered deeply involved in something else it seemed.

"So, to along with Nicc'e company rules they went along with another fake election just to play fair even though everyone knew Zariel was going to win." She continued. I could feel myself crumbling, how is it that I didn't know any of this? Was I so wrapped up in myself I didn't notice this stuff?

"Basically, Zariel inherited it. She dies, the next girl in the family earns the perfume company. Which just happened to be Sakura. I'd say it was too much of a coincidence."

"You're right. I can't believe it though. Rose had handled it well enough, but I was hoping for a change. Someone who would somehow spice'n things up a bit." Meilin said, "I just hate it that the repulsive new girl has to be the one to handle of this thing."

"I know, I know," Rika soothed, "She'd probably ruin the name Nicc'e. The Sasaki's female generation has been wearing Nicc'e perfume for almost fifty years and each new year's creation. I don't want to know what she has in mind, or even consider wearing it."

I choked on my tears. A lump formed and I couldn't hold it any longer.

"Let's go sit on the couches for awhile and look at the magazines. I feel like skipping classes. That Sakura girl's made me so depressed."

My heartbeat went still, and I felt as if I had died again. Six lives kitty I thought…

The curtains of my stall opened and I saw Rika's astonished face.

That's when I got my revenge on her. Even though I hadn't planned to.

The knot in my stomach was getting worse each second, and finally I threw up. All over her and the other black haired girl.

Even after all I had been through that day I did something funny.

I smiled.

(A/N: I love ending my chapters with two words…hehe I'm so messed up… review!!)


	7. Syaoran: Cool

(A/N: I'm such a bad girl, I'm sick, I stayed home this morning from school, but I'm still typing anyways…hehe…oh yah, I put up this new idea, a poem/story about Inu Yasha and Kagome….

Mirrored- Kagome, who has always been easily irritated by people mistaking her for her twin sister Kikyo, has fallen hard for the one guy, Inu Yasha, who can tell them apart. There's one little catch. He's Kikyo's fiancé. InuKag

Maybe some of you might be interested in reading that…oh yeah, I forget like is Yamazaki his first name or last name? I can't really remember, so I thought it was Yamazaki...hehehe, my facts are a little messed up…sorry hahah…for those who love Chiharu/Yamazaki here is some fluff about them!)

Disclaimer: Do I have to say this even though I'm miserably sick? And like coughing? Oh ok, I will, for jiminey cricket's sake. I don't own CCS…

(mucho luv to my poor self, I could finally manage doing our lovely Syao's POV! Even though this chappie really sux and doesn't push the story forward! Send me luv!)

**Chapter Seven: Cool – Syaoran**

I know I said I would miss Meilin a bit, but the truth is I didn't. I was relieved she was gone in America, with her new boyfriend.

This is where I tell you the bad news. She's back and _single_. Damn, I swear she scares me. This time, Misaki isn't here to act as my back up girlfriend. I mean how sick can it get whenever your cousin tries to kiss you? Pretty bad, let me say.

I know before I used to think she was my friend and all that, but man she's totally different now. I don't get her.

Before, she was kind of a tomboy, which I didn't mind, and was kind of rough and tough. Hard as it is to admit it, Meilin was the stronger of us two when we were younger. But, she was cool. I didn't even mind her 'crushing' on me, and stuff. I just kind of ignored her. But, I can't do that now. It's too hard; she's all up in my face about things. Especially her wearing those 'girly' skirts of our uniforms. Last year, she just wore the pants, never once wore the skirt. She also never once hiked up her skirt so high. It disgusted me. It's not because I'm jealous of other guys seeing her legs or whatever, it was just that…. how would I say this? Brotherly instincts. It kept kicking in. So, naturally I tried telling her off about her changed attitude and her changed choices in fashion. She kept glaring at me strangely but then would just huddle up to me and whisper, "Kiss me," As if I were her last life line. She was getting plain annoying, but I didn't want to hurt her. She was already hurting I guessed, and this was the only she could deal with it.

Did I mention how it was _her _who got dumped?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

"Syaoran, are you serious?" She asked, her wet black hair unable to cascade by anything but her shoulders.

"Hm…let's see, I only said that because I feel like lying about our now dead Auntie we never knew…" I remarked dryly, pressing the channel switch button unable to find anything worth watching.

She pursed her lips and said, "Ok, ok, whatever. I go to America for what, like a year, and I come back to find the entire boring Japan destroyed? What has the world been coming to?" Her voice had traces of whining in it. I hated whining, couldn't she just shut up? I turned the volume up a bit louder. Besides, she only started wearing make up ever since she left for America last year. That wasn't such a long time to start using a brand, she could easily adjust to another one. How hard could it be?

Eriol adjusted his glasses and peered curiously at Meiln, " What do you mean by the entire Japan destroyed?" He knew the answer to that, I thought, he was just teasing her.

It worked all right. Her shoulders shook and she glared at him, " I've only been using N'icce's products for like ever! How do you expect me to wear the stuff that girl makes? What if it's horrible and makes my face look like that?"

I turned my attention away from the television and stared evenly at Meilin, and said seriously, "You're face is already horrible." Eriol and I cracked up immediately.

She growled and continued pacing around the room in frenzy. I certainly didn't understand why she was so worked up about this, seeing that it was just make up. Why couldn't she just buy some more stuff? It's not like she doesn't have money, she's a dead General's daughter after all.

"Calm down Meilin, jeez," I reassured, "It's not like she can take over the business until she's eighteen." That was about a year away for her, I think.

"A year," She echoed my thoughts, "I thought that was a long time. We were together a year even though we didn't we start officially going out until later. I thought a year was it. I really believed him. He told me didn't care anymore. He said he never did. " The room went dead silent until Eriol and I both turned to look at her. Her eyes grew misty.

"I'm going out." She said curtly and left.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Get whatever you want guys, it's on me." I presented generously when all of a sudden their faces drooped to a deadpan expression.

"Har de Har." Eriol said sarcastically flicking a crumb of some food across the small table towards me. I did the same, but with a bigger crumb of some kind of…food. I couldn't identify it. Sometimes we were messy eaters.

"Hey guys did you know that the phrase 'har de har' was actually used by pirates, in the late-"

"Shut up Yamazaki." We chorused. Then Eriol turned to look at me. "You shut up too." The other guys: Ryu, Kyo, and Yuu all cracked up. I glared at them until they stopped.

Then, I pulled an innocent face, "What? What did I do? I just offered ever so nicely to pay for all your nice little deserts."

"You still have to ride with Yamazaki tomorrow, no excuses." I scowled agitated.

"Come on guys, you're not going to do that to me!" In the same car with that moron was as worse as it could get.

Eriol smirked, "Oh yes we would."

"Guys, do you want me be at least alive for the opening meet tomorrow or what? It'll be evening and stuff…" I trailed off when I saw no one was paying attention to me.

They were watching Yamazaki who turned bright red. I whipped my attention around. A short girl, with light brown hair and brown eyes was staring expressively irately at him. That's Chiharu. The girl with the temper, just on one guy: Yamazaki. The two have been at it ever since they met each other in diapers. One thing is that, Chiharu still couldn't figure out that Yamazaki totally was into her. And Yamazaki thought Chiharu was into me. But she wasn't, I knew that since she told me. Which yeah, caused some triangle love friction. Damn, it was Mama's Soaps all over again. I didn't even have a choice if I wanted or not to be involved.

"Uh…hi." Yamazaki stuttered looking at Chiharu's towering, not really, presence.

She scowled deeply, "What's with all the roses and 'secret admirer' notes?" I choked on my Pepsi. So she finally figured out. I have to admit, she's pretty slow, it took her two weeks to discover him?

Yamazaki feigned innocence and asked sweetly, " What notes and roses Chiharu baby?" Suave Yamazaki, I thought, now she's gonna blow.

She scoffed, "Like you don't know? You were the one who sent me all that crap!"

"Oh really? How are you sure it wasn't your little boyfriend over here," At this time he took the time to point little old' me out. Now, I did sputter my drink and looked at them in surprise.

"Don't involve me in your little thing…"I ordered then slouched back and continued to drink the rest of my drink; however Chiharu and Yamazaki were still staring at me oddly.

Chiharu raised her eyebrows at me then looked back at Yamazaki, "Oh really? You want me to believe that he has a single ounce of romance in him to write those poems?"

"Hey," I protested thoroughly offended at this remark made at my ego, "I do have romance, why then would I be-"

"Shut. Up." Yamazaki turned to me. I closed my mouth wondering why he was spazzed.

"Yamazaki, why are you so mean to him?" Chiharu asked, darting me a worried glance. Jeez, I wasn't about to get all up tight about one comment. What did these people think of me anyways? A weakling? I'd like to see them run my course a while.

"I was just telling him in to cool it, or take a chill pill, because he was getting uptight. As you can see, stress isn't a good thing, especially when you are stressing over your stress that your brain has caused you from thinking your ego is too big-" Chiharu abruptly plopped herself on his lap. He blushed hotly again and I started laughing. Great way to make a guy stop running his mouth, especially a talker like Yamazaki.

I barely heard the words Chiharu whispered, "You know the funny thing Yamazaki?" She leaned toward him.

"W-W-What?" He stammered at their close proximity. I just laughed even harder. My stomach was beginning to hurt from laughing so much.

"I really wanted it to be you who wrote those notes." She said.

That's when Eriol pinched me.

I hissed, "What the hell was that for?"

"Go get the camera! We got to get this, dude!" He urged me. I got up out of my seat somewhat reluctantly. Drudging away from the funny scene (at least I thought it was) I made my way down the balcony cafeteria down to the ground.

Running a hand through my hair, I immediately stopped when I saw auburn hair glinting in the sun. Her emerald eyes turned towards me and she froze too, bewildered by me. I ran up to meet her.

"Hey," I greeted, grinning childishly. Then I noticed her frown and the chocolate milkshake all over her. Wow. "What happened to you?" I inquired politely as I could. Yeah, I thought, I'm so smooth with this lady stuff. She'll be all over my shoulder crying about it. I waited patiently for it to happen.

"What does it look like?" She snapped bitterly. Shut down. I didn't expect that.

Although, I did tell her exactly what I thought happened to her. She fell silent after that.

Our eyes met again, her emerald orbs were starting to make me a little squirmy. I fidgeted. Damn, it's like she knew or something and she's doing this weird hypnotic thing on me.

I decided if I didn't tell her I wouldn't be able to keep this a secret without the whole school somehow finding out and turning it into a rumor, "Uh, yeah, that, um, day, when you, um, you know, woke up, in our house, were you…um wet?" Now I knew how smooth I really was. I sounded like friggin geek.

"What about it?" She smiled amusement sparkling in her eyes. I noticed this: how her eyes seemed to just light up. It was cute, really, but something about me being the cause made me fidget more.

I finally started to tell her about the whole little sleepwalking ordeal. Except I left out some parts that I'm pretty sure she didn't need to know that. It was my little secret.

I felt my face grew hot as I explained. I seriously couldn't help it. It wasn't like I kissed her when she was in her half sleep state or something, even though I wish I did, I just kind of carried her. I carried her into her bed and stuff. I tucked her in. I don't know; the stuff seemed so _right_ to do then. Now I felt foolish telling her all but the part where I 'enjoyed' carrying her. That sounds perverted I know, but it's not. When I saw her she was out in the rain: dancing again. Her movements were different than last time, this time flowing together more in ease like a stream.

I was breathless by just watching her. That's when all of a sudden she had turned to me, with misty eyes. Her mouth was forming the same word over and over again. "Mom." I had held her in my arms till she quieted. I knew she was sleep walking, and wouldn't remember anything tomorrow. Still, I remembered it.

Eriol suddenly barged in on us. I was kind of glad since I thought I was about to admit more than I rather would have wanted to.

"Hey what's taking you so long.." he drawled on about the camera. Suddenly he stopped and stared at Sakura in his curious way. I caught on quick as soon as he opened his mouth.

I forgot about _that_. She hasn't read the magazines or newspapers or anything it seemed yet so she wouldn't know what people are saying about her. Obviously. I wasn't about to let her find out now if she didn't already know.

That was one huge mistake I made. I should of let her know first, but at the time I just wanted to get away. I wouldn't have known how to handled her feelings then.

But, I knew she had already found out, indirectly caused by me, when I sent Meilin to remove her makeup, she came back fuming and cursing someone. She'd been cursing Sakura.

Oh yeah, there was Rika too. They were covered in vomit. From their mixed up words I could tell that it was Sakura's vomit.

Yeah, yeah, I should have told her, since I'm her- whatever I am to her- about this 'rumor'. But, still that was awesome how she got them back. Sure it was disgusting…but it was cool.

Go Sakura.

(A/N: That is the shortest chappie I have ever written in my entire life, so forgive me entirely for such a huge HUGE mistake….WAHH, I'm sick, so I couldn't write more…D)


	8. Sakura: Tomoyo

(A/N: Wow! So many reviews! I'm sorry I had trouble updating, I just can't see where the plot's heading…I'm sorry, I also noticed that my character development sucks! Can you tell the difference between Sakura and Syaoran? Sakura's is a bit more cynical and well Syaoran's just carefree sort of. He doesn't worry too much except when his father his brought up. He only tenses up there. I know he's OCC…but that's the character I show in here. Wish you understand them! Well, I'm extremely sorry, but this chappie is going to have to be really really short too! Please forgive me? I have SO much stuff going on right now…I can't believe I even got this much ahead…)

Disclaimer: I think you guys understand by now that I DON'T own CCS, and that I will never…

**Chapter Eight: Tomoyo- Sakura**

"Hey, there's an Insomnia Meet today, you want to come?" Tomoyo asked as she tossed herself ungraciously on top of the large bed next to mine.

I shrugged noncommittally, "Sure." Somehow the aspect of going out anywhere in public, even if it was to see Syaoran, opposed to me. How could it not? It was really bugging me, how everyone thinks so low of me. I didn't even have a clue why it mattered what they thought. My heart sunk a little lower, I felt blatantly depressed. I had to stop thinking about it, but I couldn't. What if it was me who-

"We're going in twenty," She grinned sheepishly, "Sorry I asked you so late…I just forgot."

"No problem-o," I assured her, "Well, let's get dressed." A smirk crossed her face and she looked at me slyly.

"Sakura, you know, it might be better if I picked an outfit for you."

I raised my eyebrows, "Why?"

She seemed flustered, "Well, of course if you're going to the meet, where there will be lots of-"

"You're kidding me, right? Is this the part when you tell me that it's for the cameras or something?" She winced.

"See, I already have a bad rep, so what if the press writes that I have no fashion style or what not? I don't care…" I trailed off. I just realized that my statement could head our conversation into a dangerous territory.

Tomoyo shot me a sympathetic expression obviously purposefully overlooking what I said, "Look, that's not it. I just want to okay? It's what friends do."

"Dress each other?" I asked incredously.

"No silly," She replied laughing, "I just want to pick an outfit out for you. Is that so bad? Do I really need to explain further? You'll be wearing exclusive hand made Daidouji fashion!"

I smiled weakly. I guess it's okay if it makes her happy, since it didn't really bother me anyhow. Except that isn't how I felt after I saw what she wanted me to wear. But, I wasn't in the mood to argue.

"Hmm," She murmured absentmindedly as she handed a light green miniskirt to me. Then she pulled out the rest of my so-called outfit: A white spaghetti strap tank, and brown Ug Boots. My eyes widened when she proceeded on to open the drawers filled with make up. I hoped she wasn't going to apply any of that on me.

I groaned to let her know my disapproval. I couldn't believe it. Did things just get worse and worse? And I still couldn't stop thinking. I eyed Tomoyo curiously.

I'm a loose t-shirt and jeans girl, since I've had to wear uniforms for half of my life. And as I dragged on the attire, I couldn't help but feel awkward. Like I was wedged in something I wasn't supposed to be meddling in.

When I returned from the bathroom, Tomoyo squealed shrilly. "You look absolutely kawaii Sakura!" I frowned and sagged my shoulders. The feeling of drab drifted within me miserably.

"What if I don't desire to look kawaii?" I don't know what did it, but Tomoyo finally got the hint.

Her voice swiftly got grim, "Sakura…" She knit her brows together.

"Tomoyo, you knew didn't you?" Surprise flashed over her features.

"Knew what?" She asked, as she sat back down on her bed. A gust from the window unexpectedly interrupted by engulfing us in a cold blanket. Shivering, I walked towards the window overlooking the big city and closed it firmly. I turned around and faced Tomoyo's questioning eyes. I took a deep breath.

"I mean, you like everyone else knew about all those rumors." Of course she knew. Why was I asking her in the first place? Why was I even bringing it up?

Her eyes searched my face slowly, "Yes. I did." I didn't know what I expected. I still hadn't the slightest notion why I was asking her either. I just felt the urge to.

"But I don't believe them." It was her voice that broke off my trance.

Just by hearing her say that aloud, maybe it's what I needed. I required comprehending that detail. But how could I believe that she didn't trust those rumors when…when I might? Irritation overwhelmed me; I hadn't a clue what happened that night. So what if, like Yelan said, it truly was my mistake Mom died? Did I _do_ that? My stomach twirled quaintly.

"Well, the thing is…" My voice echoed shakily in the suddenly still and quiet dorm room, "I can't remember what happened that night."

She tilted her head in the manner she did when she first met me, "How?"

"How did I lose my memory?" I asked for her. She nodded in agreement, that that was what she wanted to know.

I shut my eyes tightly. This was maybe the first time I was sharing my feelings with someone. I had never done it before. Nor had I ever had any friends that I considered sharing with. But, now here I was on the verge of explaining to Tomoyo.

"I don't know…I don't how anything happened…" I echoed thoughtlessly. It was the first step I took towards a big understanding. Tomoyo was the friend I never knew I would have.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

"Welcome to the Finally Insomnia Meet! This season had started off with a bang and the championships having been over, we've called all the runners to end this season with another bang!" The crowd and Tomoyo next to me, all cheered loudly. I couldn't help but applaud along with them and let all the contagious excitement infect and invade me like a disease. Soon, I was grinning ear to ear, the morning incident half-heartedly disregarded in my mind.

The tall brown haired man raised a hand to quiet the audience, "Now for the opening act, please welcome Chiharu Mihara!"

I watched in astonishment as a chocolate haired girl entered the platform beneath us. She looked up at the surrounding crowd and smiled widely.

"That's our Chiharu…" Tomoyo whispered to me. I knew. I just didn't know that she was the 'Chiharu' Tomoyo knew. I should've known of course, but I still couldn't grasp many facts since everything happened so fast.

I calmed myself down deciding that this was my chance at having a good time, and I didn't want to ruin it by thinking about other unwanted things excessively, so I cheered loudly for her too. She was an all right singer; I had heard her at many opening and closing acts of Insomnia Races that I watched on television.

"Hey everyone!" As soon as her voice sounded, the audience grew restless and rooted even louder.

"Are you glad to see me?" Everyone started to stomp their feet, me doing the same. I grinned childishly again. Some things were so immature; they were just irresistible to participate in.

Chiharu too giggled at all the screaming admirers and tramping feet. However she was coerced shortly to raise a hand to cool the anxious throng. After it got quieter, music began to play delicately.

"Today I've decided in tribute of our country and all the things it has undergone, I'm going to sing our national anthem." Instantaneously the spectators settled down with respect as Chiharu chanted. Her voice, as I was familiar with, was absolutely gorgeous but it appeared a little phony. I didn't hear true passion in it, or perhaps I was just too condemnatory.

Tomoyo shuffled beside me, a little impatiently. I twisted to her wondering what was wrong, "You okay?"

She stopped fidgeting and smiled uneasily. Taking that as a yes, I turned back around to watch Chiharu in performance.

I heard squirming next to me yet again. Maybe it would have better for her if I just had ignored it the second instance it happened, although I didn't. I was persistent.

"What's wrong?"

She pressed her lips decisively together in queasiness and didn't answer me.

"What's wrong?" I repeated. She then averted her gaze away from eyes as if they were burning into her or something of the sort.

I blinked a couple of times, unable to understand her actions. So I inquired for a third time, "Tomoyo?"

There was a moment of silence between us, as Chiharu continued to sing.

Tomoyo soon lifted her lilac eyes to meet mine, but again she glanced away hastily. I began to get sincerely worried and concerned of her actions.

I opened my mouth to say something again, but Tomoyo's small voice stopped me in the process.

"Sakura…" She started.

"Hmmm?" It was a minute or two before she spoke up, but I didn't want to in any way hurry her. I knew how it was to share something difficult.

Although she didn't say anything in the way I expected. Her voice broke into a small hum. Right away I noticed the grace and eloquence her voice contained and was amazed by it.

I tried once more to open my mouth to speak, but Tomoyo's voice hushed it once more. She was singing softly in my ear.

"_Under the stars_

_That shine so bright_

_Under the moon_

_Benevolent light_

_Stealth and sly_

_In discreet_

_Time flies by_

_We will meet_

_Where we go_

_A mystery_

_No one knows_

_ Its history"_

I was spellbound, shocked, stunned, anything. My ears had completely blocked out all other stadium noises and were at the very moment replaying the sweet melody she had sung. How did Tomoyo hide this from me so easily?

However, I couldn't do more than smile at her in response. I was so stunned.

She turned away from me, abruptly then whipped around again her hair flashing in front of my face.

Tears formed in her eyes, and she mouthed to me.

"I'm sorry."

(A/N: SO SORRY!)


	9. Sakura: What the hell is going on?

(A/N: I realized how many loopholes I've created, I have yet to explain them, so I hope with this chapter I am able to give more explanations. Also, all my chapters were very short, because until my computer gets fixed, I have to use my brother's, and he's a sophomore, so obviously, my time on it, will be limited…Sorry about the last chapter, I did NOT like it ALL…so I apologize to you all….again…enjoy this chapter!)

Disclaimer: I wonder if anyone would if notice if I forget to put this up. -better not take chances- I don't OWN CCS…Clamp does, okay? I thought you guys were smart enough to KNOW that by now…

**Chapter Nine:**

**_What the hell is going on?_ **

**-Sakura-**

Tomoyo blew her nose a little louder, then threw the used tissue away in the garbage can. She looked up at me, her face stained by tears and her eyes acutely upset.

"Tomoyo…" My voice urged softly. We were in the restrooms of the Lynn Acres Kiosk and my worry for Tomoyo grew greater since we were sitting in the bleachers. All I could comprehend out her actions, was that she must have had wanted to tell me something. Otherwise, how would we have ended up here? Everything moved in a blur after she had sung that song. A song, so familiar to me, that I was so sure I had heard somewhere, and when she sang it, I almost got the same feeling I had whenever I'm alone and dancing in the rain. It was unidentifiable, and made me feel chilled yet really warm.

"Tomoyo…" I repeated patiently. She inhaled sharply and her eyes grew larger almost. I could see tears refilling in her eyes.

Suddenly, she threw her arms around my neck and pulled me close to her until I could smell her lilac-y scent. I was even more baffled at this strange act of intimacy, but I embraced it anyways.

She spoke her voice stifled by my shoulder, "Sakura, do you know how long it's been?"

"How long?" I echoed bewildered.

She pulled away from me, her hair disarrayed around her exhausted appearing face, and sighed exasperatedly.

"Tomoyo?" I had sort of now understood something about Tomoyo. She constantly needed encouragement to keep going. And if she would eventually tell me, I would keep giving her the support she needed. Although, all I received in response was the clatter of her heels

She turned around from me and walked to the sinks and mirror. She examined herself closely.

Without turning to look at me, she beckoned, "Come over here Sakura."

I obeyed, confused as ever, trying to make as much as sense as possible of her odd actions. I reached her side and stared at my reflection in the wide mirror along with her.

"See this dark mole here?" She motioned towards her left cheek. I nodded docilely still wondering what the connection between all this and the song was.

She turned to me and traced my left cheek. "You have one too." I blinked, blankly.

"And…?"

"Don't you see? We both have moles in the same spot." Her eyes searched mine for a sign of understanding but she got none.

"Tomoyo, what does that prove?"

She sighed again and pressed her lips together.

"Okay, did you know that _only _Daidouji's have moles like this?"

"No." Where was Tomoyo going with this? "But now I do."

Obviously she didn't appreciate my dry humor that I had no idea where it sprouted from and placed a serious expression on her face. Maybe I was a bit slow, or bit untrusting of odd faraway possibilities, but it was a while before I got it.

I had understood what she meant. But, it was so _unrealistic._

She meant-

"Sakura?" Her voice edged with slight impatience.

I shut my eyes, not knowing what to believe.

"Do you mean…that we're related?" I hesitated at the strange way the words sounded. This was just way too weird. Like all these damn revelations were some kind of twist to a stupid angsty teen movie.

Tomoyo however merely nodded at my statement.

"What were you sorry for then?" And the song? What about the song? Why does it sound so familiar?

"For not telling you sooner." Her voice was barely a whisper, and I had to lean in to hear her.

But only one thing ran through my mind:

_What the hell was going on?_

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

We soon got back to the bleachers, Tomoyo being the one to convince me to stay. Truthfully I was tired of putting matters on hold, and I really wanted to know what was going on, however Tomoyo didn't want to talk about it anymore. It was a very unsatisfying response to all my bothersome doubts. But, nonetheless, I sat down next to her, surprised that the opening act was just finishing.

I seriously tried not to think about anything, and just enjoy being here, a place I've dreamed of being at instead of watching it on television. Wasn't I supposed to be like happy and excited and stuff? Nothing of the sort.

One word describes my situation: Anxiety. And a damned case of it.

Besides, did she expect me to just suddenly believe her? How would anyone feel after their roommate they only knew for a couple of days abruptly told them they were related? And her proof was strange. A mole?

It could be a coincidence.

Somehow, that statement just hung in the air floating behind me, now bothering me incessantly. And just somehow that possibility sounded much more insane than my life was just now. And my life, as I can humbly admit, isn't really classified on the average sixteen year old girl's life should really be.

My crazy thoughts and weird analogies were interrupted by the melody of Tomoyo's cell phone. Suddenly as I leaned in closer to Tomoyo and could hear it better, I realized it was that song that she had sung before! The one she hadn't told me anything about yet!

But why would she have it on her cell phone? I got another doubt. What if it was just another one of those popular tunes you hear a lot? It could be. I wouldn't have any reason to get overworked about it. However, I had and still was.

"Yes, I'm here." She sighed next to me. I pretended to keep my eyes on the track, but I decided to eavesdrop on her cell phone chat. Sometimes, I was just too damn curious. Or impatient to know what was going on. But who could blame me?

After a couple of strained seconds of silence, Tomoyo brightened visibly. "You will? You mean…" She trailed off with a thoughtful expression on her face.

"I love you too cute butt," She laughed into the phone. Then I got another doubt, weren't you not supposed to have your cell phones here? I guess Tomoyo didn't give. I guess I wouldn't really either.

After she put the phone back into her expensive Louis Vutton purse, I leaned toward her and asked, "Why does that song sound so familiar?"

She didn't answer, and I of course being as persistent as I am, asked again.

Finally she looked at me and smiled, "I'll tell you later." I hated those kinds of answers. Seriously, I am dying of all this –ignorance- of my own stinking life.

First, I get attacked by amnesia, and when I just want to slam open the doors, and demand answers of from my so-called 'Auntie Yelan', I have to crouch and eavesdrop. Secondly, I wasn't allowed newspapers/magazines at their house and no decent person would tell me why they were whispering about me, so my source ended being eavesdropping again. Thirdly, it was this-

A loud whistle immediately quieted the restless crowd, and of course blew my angry thoughts right off. What was it with loud noises disturbing my ability to think properly? I had no idea.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" The chestnut hair man screamed and everyone else joined him. Huh, so lame. Who says ladies and gentlemen anymore? That is very passé, I thought sourly.

"Now, down to the real business." At this everyone shrieked even louder. I felt, it was just Tomoyo and I who were excluded from this group of 'everyone'.

"This year, 2005, Champion of the Insomnia Races, has been named-" He was cut off by more loud screams, from of course enthusiastic fans. Of course, I would've cheered along with them, if I was at home. I felt vaguely embarrassed now, of how I stomped my feet earlier. Did I really do that? Well, I didn't feel like any cheering now anyways.

He raised a hand. "This year," He repeated, "Champion of the Insomnia Races, the champion for the previous five years…is Syaoran Li!" Okay, I couldn't help smiling at this. I loved the guy, seriously, no matter how sour my mood was now.

The crowd cheered loudly, and as soon as he started to speak again, they quieted a bit. "Now you all know the rules about the closing race, don' t you?" They cheered in response.

"This year," He continued, "We have a bit of a challenge for our Champion. It's been way too easy for him lately, so we decided why not toughen up a bit?"

Again, the fans cheered loudly.

"Instead, we are having the laps drop one down!" My eyes widened. He continued without even the slightest notice of everyone's astonishment, "It's six laps for runner up Chris, and four laps for third place; Yuu." The crowd approved deafeningly.

"Is our Champion up to the challenge? Who thinks Li can run his eight laps faster than Chris can run his six?" They went wild, screaming yes for answer.

I however stood there shocked. Six laps? Last year, to keep the trophy, all Syaoran had to was to outrun Chris in seven. There was always the little detail that a lap was only an eighth of a lap, but he barely tied this year. I frowned; this wasn't good. But obviously, I couldn't lose faith in him. So, I ignoring my earlier embarrassment, I screamed just as stridently for him, when the race began.

And you know what?

He won.

(A/N: Sorry, I just don't feel like finishing the chappie…but, I WILL promise that the next chapter will be MUCH more eventful and Syaoran will meet Sakura…D..oh yeah, the MORE reviews I get, the FASTER the update…HINT HINT…)


	10. Syaoran: Six Laps

(A/N: Why are my chapters so unsatisfying? I have no idea. I am SORRY about this, I guess my writing light hasn't been turned on yet…hope you enjoy this chapter after reading THREE absolutely sucky chappies…ugh, I feel so horrible! Dunno….excuse my moodiness…)

Disclaimer: I don't own CCS…and I really don't feel like saying much more…(blame it on my bad mood…sorry..)

**Chapter Ten: **

Six Laps

– **Syaoran - **

I was humiliated.

Fucking humiliated.

"Yamazaki! Keep your eyes on the road." A shrill voice giggled loudly and the car suddenly jerked, sending my stomach and me on a queasy sick trip.

"How can I ignore you, you sexy beast?" He answered flirtatiously. She giggled again, and I could practically _feel _him smirking in satisfaction.

So _this_ is what I had to deal with. It was almost bad as in sixth grade when I thought all the girls had cooties.

_Scary…_

And can you believe that I actually thought that it'd be better once Chiharu and Yamazaki were together? Then that way Yamazaki would stop telling me how great he thought she smelled? This was just as worse. Maybe even worser. If that's a word.

Basically it sucked.

_Being_ in the same car as Yamazki sucked, since:

Yamazaki _did not_ know how to drive. And he was even more distracted with Chiharu in the passenger seat.

Which means, I had to sit in the back seat. (my car was in repair. Yeah I could just use another car right? Wrong. Mama wouldn't let me. And that was embarrassing, since she thought I was _irresponsible_. As if. Didn't she hear me talk that one day? I was totally smart, even though my mouth had run off.)

OH yeah, and nothing is more mortifying –new word of the week- than going to YOUR own MEET sitting IN THE BACK SEAT…really, I should know.

Besides how would I know if I would even get to the freaking meet alive, with the way he's driving.

What if I… threw up? This car is going to make me.

But as the optimistic I am… there's always a positive Side: I could always use Sakura's damn-hott revenge plan, and just throw up all over Yamazaki.

Yeah, I could deal with that scenario.

Unfortunately I couldn't deal with the scenario that was presented to me, when I reached the Lynn Acres Stadium.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Hey Syaoran, had a safe journey?" Eriol teased. I just lightly scowled at him, opening up a locker to get changed.

His glasses glinted in amusement, and he said, "Come on Syao, you can't mean me teasing you makes you so angry? Because wait till you hear what Rex just told me."

Rex was like this twenty eight year old guy, whose job was to just make sure everything at the meets ran smoothly. So, anyone could understand why my interest was suddenly piqued.

"What'd he say?" I asked, as I pulled my shirt off my head and stuffed into the locker.

Eriol immediately got quiet for a second or two.

"Uh…" He coughed. "Yeah, well Rex said that they are taking a lap off. That means, Yuu's doing four, and Chris is doing six."

I had the urge to suddenly smack my head of the lockers, but than Eriol would laugh. I did not feel like being laughed at.

Instead, I shrugged. "So what?"

He just raised his eyebrows at me, "And..? Aren't you worried? You, mister, haven't really ran since September, which was almost a month ago. And you're asking me _so what_?"

Damn, I hated when he did that. And I really hated it that he was my personal coach. Yeah, big shockie there. So I remained quiet and began to assemble the rest of my Insomnia track uniform. Which consisted of my favorite color. Green.

He tut tutted me on his way out and called behind his shoulder, "Don't disappoint your father…"

I stiffened at the mention. _Fuck…_

But the trick to winning was always the same.

Act like you don't care…

….when you really do.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I was barely aware of the loud bang of the gun shot, but I could feel the vibration ring through me. I felt anticipation, knowing that the start was always the part where everyone goes wrong.

I lifted myself, and sprung up, running. I watched straight ahead oblivious to anything around me.

Everything was just a whirl, and a swirl of colors surrounding me as I ran. Running became almost a second nature to me, right beside breathing. I did it without thinking. But, one thing was for sure.

I could feel.

I could feel things, like the adrenaline rushing in my system, the thud of my hear in my chest, and the excitement rising in the air and surrounding me. Almost as if, I could run forever and not think about anything else. And I as I ran, I could feel myself becoming even more numbed to the world outside.

It was always like this in the beginning, the sense of peace and serenity. Jeez, it was great. No pressure, nothing at all.

But, later as I soon as I hit the bend, it all weighed down on top of me. No matter how much I sped up, I felt myself slowly becoming exposed.

My eyes focused on the curve of the shiny red track, and my breathing waned.

My head felt dizzy, but I couldn't stop. It was like a disease, once you start, you don't stop till you drop. Hah. That was something Father used to say. Ironic, I'd be saying it now. I never thought I would. I never thought I'd be caught up in this like he was.

I don't want to end up like him. Alone, depressed, pressured. I forced myself to get rid of these thoughts.

"_Don't disappoint your father…" _

Sometimes, I get really mad at myself for liking running as much as he did. He loved it. And I love it too.

But now, his shadow looms over me. Like the weight on my shoulder. Like he was still breathing down my neck.

And I just still don't understand how a powerful guy like him gave in so easily. Gave into his problem, and used the cowardly way out.

That's why I hated him.

At least I tried to. But what I really loathed was the constant pressure.

_Pressure_ to keep the title of Champion.

_Pressure _to do what's right for the Li clan.

_Presure_ to make Mama happy.

_Pressure _to rebel and unlock myself from my own chains that have me down.

And _pressure_ to just forget it all and try to live my life. _Normally._

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Although, I had said I really wasn't conscious of much, something did get my attention.

I heard ragged gasps behind me, but I forced myself not to look back and ruin my chances of keeping my dignity.

Chris was right behind me.

I knew how nervous I was before, and soon worry surfaced me like a wave. It was crazy what Rex told us.

It was totally unfair. Instead of usually outrunning Chris and Yuu (who were always runner up and third placers) in a lap behind me, he changed it to two laps. It was crazy.

Unfair.

Stupid.

Dumb.

But if it was what I had to, I would. Ignoring the protesting from my legs, I sped up around quickly lapping Yuu, leaving Chris far behind.

As soon as I came to my final stop, and the gun sounded to bring awareness (as if everyone wasn't staring intently at me already) to my victory. So much for joy of winning.

I smiled, and shrugged, giving the audience my whole sexy appearance. In fact, I can be very sexy when I wanted to. And I did now.

I heard the screams of my fans grow louder and I blew them a kiss.

Right, now I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm exhausted from all that thinking and I need to let myself take over again.

Here I am everyone.

Syaoran Li, your one and only sexy beast.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Hey, Yamazaki and Chiharu took off." Eriol appeared beside me in a matter of seconds.

I swore under my breath, and raised my eyebrows, "Wonder what got them running." Eriol laughed and slapped my arm letting it stay there a little longer than a friendly hand should. What was he…doing…?

He stopped immediately noticing my curious glance towards him, and he coughed nervously.

"Yeah, well I'm not driving you home either. I'm taking Tomoyo out." He stated in the awkward silence.

I shrugged, "You're still with her? Didn't you dump-." Then I retraced his words. "You can't drive me home? Then do I have to _walk_?"

"You could always take the bus." He suggested.

I shuddered involuntarily. Jeez, I was _scared of buses_. I mean what about all those _weird germs_ all over the place? How did I know if it was _sanitary_ at all?

"Uh…" I said lamely, "Well, I'll just walk, you know…its…uh..healthier.." He gave me look that said, 'Suit yourself.' So I did. Really, I did not want to put myself through the horror of going on a bus.

As he as leaving the locker rooms, I grabbed my hoodey and trailed after him.

I was surprised to see next to Tomoyo, _her_ standing there, in a really…short…miniskirt. What the hell was she wearing? It was fall! Almost winter! But, I couldn't keep my eyes off. Damn…I had no idea I was so lecherous.

I am SO not… 

Tomoyo darted anxious glances between Sakura and then Eriol and then me. Damn, she was so obvious.

"It's okay, Tomo, I'll walk her home." I offered. She looked relieved. Eriol did not. Wait a second, I thought, what if he thinks I'm lecherous so that's why he's not relieved?

Why would he care?

Why do I worry so much about _stupid_ stuff?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

As soon as Tomoyo and Eriol left after a bit of small talk, Sakura and I were now making our way out…in silence.

Shit, why isn't she talking?

Did I do something?

Fuck, I hope not.

"What's wrong?" A small voice asks. I turn my head to see that it was Sakura who was talking.

I jolted. What do I say? What is wrong with me? Before I had a chance to answer, I was greeted by one of the most ugly faces in the world.

"Hey Li, looks like your Mama paid extra money to have you win such a difficult challenge this year…" He sneered, his lips quirking into a light grin.

"Oh yeah," I laughed back, "And you need to develop some tact ...You've been saying for the last five years." He scowled at me.

But his scowl turned into a smirk once he set eyes on Sakura. I glared as his eyes raked her over.

Damn! He was not allowed to do that! Apparently Sakura agreed with me.

"Whatchya looking at buddy?" I was surprised by the tone of voice.

"You." I fumed at this statement and quickly got my hoodey off. I handed it to her, which she took gratefully.

Chris raised his eyebrows. "If you ever get tired of this loser, which I know you will, you know where I am."

"No I don't, and I really don't care." She said than added icily, "Let's go." We turned around and left a fuming Chris.

Damn she was…

…feisty

….smart

……**.and really hot…**

I don't really mind a few sneaky glances at her…

Just a few….

(A/N: Okays, ended that chappie a little too early I know! But, I seriously had to show you how Syaoran really was…his weakness, and stuff…and did you notice I ended this chappie w/three words instead of two? Wowowowo, kewool…lol..could you totally tell what was up w/Eriol? I had to have made TONS of hints…review!)


	11. Sakura: Falling in the Mud

(A/N: Hey ya'll I'm back again, so sorry for the LATE update…plz forgive me..lol…and oh yeah, Sakura's mole is just FLAT for those who want to know…ew, the other kinds are really disgusting…why would I do that to pwoor Sakura? Lol…hurry up and read! )

Disclaimer: I don't own CCS

**Chapter Eleven**

…

Falling In The Mud

….

**-**_Sakura-_

"Come on Sakura, I've got to go meet someone," Tomoyo ushered me out of the seats after everything was done and over with. I shrugged then followed her, deciding that she probably would want to talk to me later.

_Related..? _

I wrapped my arms around myself. Damn, it was so cold. Why did I let Tomoyo talk me into wearing this…this skimpy outfit?

_Moles…?_

Unconsciously my hand trailed to my cheek remembering the past events, (how could I forget them?) and traced over my mole. Everything seemed so long ago, and so far away. It was like it never really happened with the way Tomoyo was acting about it. I tried to stay patient though…but really how could I? It was almost impossible to stop thinking about it.

My raven-haired friend's cell phone rang again, muffled by her purse. Then, I seriously wanted to laugh right out loud. She never said anything about that song either. Goddamn it all!

Everything inside me was annoyed and intolerant, I _just wanted_ to _know_ _a couple_ of things. And to top it off, I _was freezing_. Have I yet mentioned that?

"Oh really," Tomoyo purred into the phone, her voice silky, "I'd of thought…" Her face suddenly fell. "Okay fine, I'll meet you in front of the lockers. Yeah, I'm bringing Sakura…" She sounded regretful at the last part. I sneaked a glance across at her, worried if I had upset her somehow. But, my concern didn't last long. Neither did my train of thoughts.

"Come on_, Sakura_," She motioned wildly for me to follow her when I realized I was about ten meters behind. I, embarrassed at my action, scurried behind her.

We holed our way through the crowds of screaming and loud fans (I was very embarrassed for them too…how could they just stand out there and do _that_…?) I quickly reprimanded myself nonetheless, since I too had well…_cheered_ for Syaoran. I just wasn't that_…forward._ Soon, enough, we reached the front of the Locker buildings. But _only after_, going through several passages and halls from the stadium. And _only after_, security let us in.

Wow, I had not idea it was this _complicated_ to get to the inner locker buildings. Let alone meet whomever Tomoyo needed to see, in front of the _lockers._

A deep voice cut through the air, "Hey Tomo-baby." The guy had dyed dark navy hair, and azure eyes, and dark rimmed glasses.

I searched my mind for a plausible explanation, knowing I must of seen him somewhere before.

"Hey Eriol," She sighed flatly. Eriol! He was the kid who I met yesterday! The kid that Syaoran dragged off before he made any weird accusations at me.

And oddly Syaoran was the person who decided to speak up at the moment. He piped, "Don't worry Tomo, I'll walk her home." I glanced at Tomoyo and then Eriol, finally understanding.

Major Blow.

She didn't tell me she was going to go out with someone? But she tells me we're related due to similar placing of moles. Okay, maybe I was seriously just getting pissed.

And I got ever worse when the meaning of Syaoran's words (who I hate to admit, was hard not to ogle at…even though I'm majorly not in the most pleasant mood) sunk in to my mind.  
He was going to walk me home.

_God. _

_He _was going to walk _me_ home.

Did I ever even think such a possibility was true? No.

I _almost_ died again, but I still have my six lives.

And the better/worse part is…

… I have a feeling I'm going to be dying a lot _around him._

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

As always, after Tomoyo and Eriol rushed off to wherever, Syaoran and I were left in that awkward silence, that always resulted in something totally weird.

I mean, I've noticed, we've never just a had a single normal conversation. The first time we were face to face, I ran away. (Well, who wouldn't? I was kind of…embarrassed at having him see me dance like that!) The second, I fainted. The third, I kind of got doubts and starting highly suspecting something was going on.

So now, at our fourth meeting, I knew that I was going to end up with the bitter end. God, I'm seriously damned.

Anyways, I wasn't the only who was feeling somewhat messed up since when I turned around, Syaoran's eyebrows were bunched together in this – cute – yet frustrated expression.

So, I felt it my duty to ask him what was bothering him. However he never got around to answering me.

I sighed.

Destiny just didn't like giving me the _answers_ I wanted.

Did I just make a pun? Damn, what is it with my dry humor in the worst moments? It just like happens! I think I'm being too melodramatic. That is something, that I can totally not relate to.

Tomoyo is rubbing off on me.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Whatchya looking at buddy?" I fumed. Who did this guy think he was?

Well, okay, Chris _was_ the runner up of the Insomnia Races, but that didn't mean he had the right to stare at me like that!

"You." The blonde's lips quirked into a slight smirk. I frowned at him. Does he know too about the rumor saying I was mom's murderer? Actually I'm pretty sure everyone knew about it know. God.

Suddenly Syaoran tossed his hoodey at me. I stared at quizzically wondering why he had given me it, but I was cold, so I put it on anyways.

Let me tell you, I died.

It _smelled_ just like him…mmm…

"If you ever get tired of this loser, you know where I am.." I almost broke into a laugh. That was what all this staring was about?

But, then realization hit me. He thought Syaoran and me were together..? He couldn't have. And he couldn't have just asked me to his room. Did he think I was some sort of easy slut or something?

"No I don't, and I really don't care," I snapped at him, turning on my heel. Enough of crap for a day. How much do I need to take?

Anyways, soon enough we were on our way back to the buildings and I was wondering why Syaoran and I were walking. Perhaps, he wanted to promote good health?

"Uh…do you just want to take a bus? We still have like two miles to go…" I asked tentatively. His face paled visibly.

"No way. Are you kidding me? A bus?" I nodded a 'no' , I was not kidding.

"What's so bad about buses?" I prodded. Maybe he had a bad experience…

"They're disgusting…all those germs, it's just unsanitary…who'd go on something like that?"

I stiffened and replied in a flat tone, "Well, it's not like all of us can afford to ride in a Mercedes all time…"

He jolted. "Uh..um..that's not what I meant.."

I huffed, "Yeah, sure." Like I'd buy that snobby excuse anyways. He was just embarrassed to be seen riding a public bus. But, I thought Syaoran wasn't like that at all. I thought he wasn't some stuck up dastardly track athlete. Maybe I was making a huge deal out of nothing.

"Look, I'm a runner, so walking is just a better option.." I ignored it and didn't say anything else since I knew how crabby I sounded.

It was quiet for awhile…and damn was I uncomfortable. It's just the way he makes me feel! I tend to feel…melodramatic, which I noticed I have been throughout the whole day.

But, gladly, the road we were walking on was practically empty (?), so I didn't have to face people's whispering and stuff. That was always a plus.

"Uh.." Syaoran started, "Do you really want to take the bus? We could stop in about a quarter of a mile, there's one."

I whipped my head around to him, and smiled. I couldn't but help feeling girlishly excited. He would take the bus, for me! That was adorable.

"That's okay," I grinned sunnily. He looked at me puzzled for a while then shrugged, smiling back.

We continued to walk when Syaoran's cell phone started ringing. He dived into his pockets and pulled out a model of a cell phone, I swear I had never even seen before.

"Hi Mama," He answered dully. So flatly that it made burst out into peals of laughter.

He tossed me a strange look and continued to chant a series of 'yes' and 'no' 's.

"No, Mama.."

"Yes, Mama…"

"Yes, Mama, why are you asking me that?"

"What do you think? Of course I'm wearing clean-"

"What is this? Twenty Questions?"

"When did you care?"

It was quite amusing actually and I couldn't help but giggle.

Whoa.

Rewind.

_It was quite amusing actually and I couldn't help but giggle._

I am not giggling. Okay I am. I couldn't help it! Really. Otherwise why would I be making such a fool of myself?

"Uh.." Syaoran smiled at me, _god he was cute_, "Do you always talk to yourself?" My eyes widened, and I kept on laughing like crazy.

"Why are you laugh-"

THUD- He slipped and landed on his rear end with a contempt expression on his face.

"Fuck!" I doubled over with laughter at his comment and soon enough-

THUD- I fell too.

I titled my head at him, smiling shyly, and he beamed playfully back. All I can say is that right now both of us were in a mud glob. Covered in…mud.

Suddenly I felt a slight trickle emerge on my cheek, and I lifted my hand up to touch it.

"Is it rain-" A larger 'trickle' fell on us and instantly we were drenched. Which meant Syaoran and I were now covered in mud AND were extremely wet.

My laughter couldn't be controlled, and I could tell Syaoran thought I was laughing at him. Which I was, but hey…

He frowned then smirked playfully at me. Picking up a glob of mud, he aimed it straight at me.

"What do you-" I felt something disgusting go down my back. That creep! He put it down my back!

"You gross little weirdo!" I groaned…then a picked up a glob of mud myself and threw it right in his..

…face!

He swore again and I started laughing again.

Suddenly he spoke, "You should laugh more…"

I turned my face to him raising my eyebrows wondering what exactly he meant by that.

"Well, you're always looking so sulky and down trodden whenever I see you in the hallways at school…" I shot him a quizzical look, he had seen me in the hallways? How come I never saw him? That was besides the point anyways. He just told me not to be so depressed all the time, didn't he? I felt my anger rising.

"Well," I mimicked, "Do you expect me to rejoice after my mother's death and having being confronted as a killer?" The words that left my mouth were far too rigid and cold, unlike my prior behavior. I was mad now. He just had to ruin our fun by bringing that up didn't he? Ruin my stinking day, why don't you little-

"Hey," He raised his hands in defense, "That's not what I meant. I just wanted to see you a little more cheerful, and taking this in a positive way…I mean, you have to make the best of it…"

"Yeah, but I don't see people whispering and sending you glares when you walk past them in the hallways! Tell me to be happy about that!" I countered. God, this guy was preaching me? Who did he think he was?

He looked away a little speechless at that point. I spoke again, "Look, why don't we just get home?" He nodded and gave me hand up.

"I'm sorry…" He apologized in the silence, "I really didn't mean that way.."

"Then how did you mean it? Isn't it what you said? 'You should laugh more..'" I felt rotten, crabby and horrible.

He suddenly turned to me, his eyes wide, "Hey, are you PMS-ing-"

Weird enough I felt heat rise to my cheeks, "I am not!" He laughed, and I fumed.

"You are a monster, a dastard, an evil dragon, a stupid.-." I continued to ramble. He laughed harder.

My voice got louder, "Stop laughing at me you pompous-"

"Will you shut-up?" He snorted laughing again.

"No," I replied and he grabbed my wrists.

I gasped, suddenly feeling cold.

"You'll shut up, now?" He smirked, leaning closer to my face. His amber eyes twinkled mischeviously.

I nodded.

(A/N: I know it's a totally weird-o chapter…w/Sakura having all her mood swings n stuff…lol, well review!)


	12. Sakura: Forgotten Memories

(A/N: Okay, guys, I'm back in the house, I'm really sorry I had to let you wait so long, omg, I really let you WAIT LONG didn't I? I'm so damn mean..lol, sorry I just had a lot on my mind, and couldn't really think of much to write… D oh yeah, and I just noticed how in chapter like nine Syao says 'opening meet' omg! Its supposed to be the 'finally meet' of the season, omg, I'm so sorry! And no one caught that? It was a bad typo…lol…um…I feel stupid now…oh darn!)

Disclaimer: I don't friggin own CCS...got it Mr. Lawyer trying to make money?

**_Chapter Twelve _**

**Forgotten Memories**

___-Sakura-_

That night, Syaoran dropped me off at the grand staircase of the girl's dormitories, and by that time, we were both giggling hysterically, and extremely dirty with mud and other stuff.

And I thought about all this, while I made my way up the stairs alone, the silence of the halls kind of shadowing beside me. And as I neared my dorm room, I heard loud shrieking and shouting.

"What do you mean?" The voice was distinctly Tomoyo's.

A deep voice started, "I mean, Tomoyo, I don't love you…anymore…" There was a hysterical scream and a shattering noise.

To keep safe, I molted myself behind the door, hopeful to get in whenever the couple got out. I was not going to inside when this was going on. The whole situation made me nervous, and worried for Tomoyo. Hell, she was my only friend here, and it didn't sound like to me it was going too well for her. I knew that Eriol was bad news.

"Look, Tomoyo, try to understand…" He tried a calm, gentle voice.

"Understand what?" She shrieked. "That you think you deserve better than someone like me?" She dropped it off and than jolted again.

"Why?" He made now effort to answer, I could tell. "Is it because I'm not skinny enough? I'm not pretty?"

Suddenly she stopped. Her voice took on a dangerous low tone, "Is it because…" She began again, her voice just as vehement; "I'm not rich enough for you, Mr. Billionaire?"

"Tomoyo," He whined, "Come on babe, it's not like that, you know."

"Oh really," She said snobbily, showing me a side of sensitive, caring Tomoyo that I didn't know, "Then tell me what is it?"

He sighed deeply. "We just don't have chemistry. We don't click. Easy as that."

"It's not as easy that, you bastard!" She gasped. "How could you throw all that away so easily? Didn't you feel something?"

The door creaked slightly, and I peeked in, knowing how rudely curious I was. I saw Eriol stiffen at Tomoyo's comment and suddenly I smelt something. Smoke from a cigarette?

"Tomoyo, I just want to break it off." He said, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and exhaling loudly almost making me cough violently. But, That was almost.

"Eriol," Her voice now lacked the resentment, and soon was a mere pleading tone, "Don't you love me?" She faltered, and he caught her by the waist.

Slowly, she wrapped her warms around his neck, and leaned in, whispering another time, "Eriol…don't you love me?"

I turned away feeling as if I was watching something I shouldn't. Which I was. And it was something Tomoyo would've told me about if she wanted too. I felt horrible as I did before.

Horrible for the guilt I felt.

Horrible for Tomoyo.

Horrible for Eriol that he didn't realize his loss.

"Tomoyo," His voice was soft, but than suddenly I heard a scream and the door crashed loudly beside me. I jolted behind it, but as Eriol came stomping out in his anger, he didn't notice me.

Which was a relief, until I heard the very muffled cries coming for my dorm room. I entered hesitantly, not knowing how to handle Tomoyo's wild-out-of-control emotions…

"Tomoyo?" I prodded.

She looked up at me with her mascara and eyeliner streaked down her face.

A sob escaped her throat. "He doesn't love me anymore."

"Oh, Tomo…" I sighed and made my slowly towards her. Sitting next to her, I wrapped my arms around her and let her lean onto me.

"He-" She hiccupped, "Doesn't love me…"

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

How I slept varied a lot. Sometimes I fell asleep right away getting little flicks of insignificant memories, or sometimes I stayed awake all night thinking about Mom, Touya (where was he?), and hard as it is to admit, I thought about Dad too.

I wondered if Mom could listen to me, hear my questions and doubts, and I wished she could answer them. I wonder what happened to Touya, why he never came, and where he was. Lastly, and Dad. I knew I was all for forgetting him, because he ruined my life. But, he messed his own pretty badly too.

My nature just wouldn't let me stop thinking, was he okay? It was a tiny bit of concern. A little.

And yes, tonight was one of those nights, as I had mentioned before, that coerced me to stay up the whole dark hours with those thoughts cursing me. Along with the extremely inquisitive and worried doubt, of when Mom was going to have her viewing and funeral? I mean, how can she 'rest in peace' without it? Who would send her off?

As hard as it was to let her go, I knew I would hold on a part of her inside me forever. That part which I thought about a lot, but couldn't help but let my other doubts cloud me.

And I've always just wanted to know, what happened that night? What did I do? How did Mom die? Was it really overdosing of sleeping pills like the newspapers and magazines all were raving about? Was it my fault? Why didn't I call earlier as Auntie accused me off?

Typically these sorts of thoughts sent me into a series of silent sobs, out of guilt, sadness, and pain. But, now I was so used to enveloping the loud cries, and muffling tears by holding the sheet over my mouth. And then as the sun rose and the day came, I forced myself get rid of those thoughts. At least I tried. I tried not to let that darker part of me, that weaker part of me show itself in the sunlight and be exposed in front of everyone. But, it usually made me crabby. Moody. Bitchy.

Obviously that's how people thought of me now, I thought, as I pulled my covers of my bed closer to me. I bit my lip, and glanced outside the window.

No rain fell. No pit pat could be heard. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I suddenly felt my stomach cave and my body and mind become dangerously hollow.

I turned my face over to the cooler side of the silky satin covered pillow, and let a lone tear fall, a tear that had no specific reason.

There were so many things that I wanted to know. So many questions I had. So many doubts of myself, that I could literally feel myself slipping away and into permanent hibernation. I feel like I was locking myself up, and throwing away the key this time around. I always used to lock myself up, whenever I didn't want to talk, or didn't want to face anything. But, now I feel different about it.

I feel strange about everything that's been happening lately. My life has just become such a mess, that there has been this totally irresistible urge to analyze it.

And then there's Syaoran. I mean, if I were to know I'd meet him earlier, I would of flipped with joy and all that great stuff. But, now, I mean, I don't know. He's just so confusing. What really does he want with me?

"You should laugh more…" It's what he said. Why would he say that? Why would he even remotely care about me?

Why?

It doesn't make sense. The feelings I have around him don't make sense. Since, my infatuation only limited to a mere crush, I just thought he was cute and I admired his personality – from afar that is. But, now, he makes me feel so overdramatic, extra bitchy or girlishly happy. I just don't get it. I mean I've never felt so weird around someone, or have let anyone let me feel so weird. It doesn't make sense. I don't care what people think. I don't care what they say (as long as they don't glare and whisper about it…) But here I am thinking about Syaoran over strenuously and what goes through his little mind.

It was crazy.

Stupid.

Ridiculous!

Yet, I really couldn't deny, that whenever he touches me, however remote possibility that has been, it feels good. (even the brush of fingers or something…) And you couldn't help but get lost in eyes like his. His gorgeous amber eyes, that seem to swirl endlessly in a deep…

Oh god. Listen to me rant and rave about his eyes. And how makes me feel. Like I couldn't be any more confused!

A soft shuffling of sheets, interrupted my thoughts and in a matter of seconds Tomoyo was sitting on my bed.

"Sakura," She started as I half-heartedly made the attempt to sit up on the bed next to her. I felt a little light headed, but I ignored it and ignored my thoughts about Syaoran and his eyes and what could possibly going on through his mind at this moment…Damn, I was doing it again.

To cover it up, I pretended to be tired and annoyed, that I was sleeping and she had disturbed me, "Tomo, it's like three in morning. Err, at night. Or whatever…"

She looked at me, a frown cascading her small face. "Yeah, I know, but I really needed to talk to you…"

My attention suddenly piqued. "Mhmmm?"

"The song, Sakura, do you remember the song?" She asked, vaguely.

Although I didn't need specifications verified, " Yeah, how come you never said anything about it?"

"Well, it's like this…" She took a deep breath, "We're cousins, you know?" I nodded, already having figuring out that we were related this afternoon-evening at Lynn Acres.

I waited patiently for her to start, but it looked like she was having a bit of trouble. She took a deep breath and finally was on track.

"If you didn't already know this…you're mom was a.." Here she paused and then said softly, " hooker,"

When I made no effort to contradict or acknowledge this bit, she continued,

" And so well, she'd stay at our house whenever she had to go out.." I cringed. I did not want to hear the rest now and I was about to make an attempt to stop her, but Tomoyo was oblivious to it. A sick feeling settled in my stomach, even at the thought of Nadeshiko, who even though I thought I accepted her as just a biological mother, and no more, I couldn't help be just a little…emotional on the subject.  
How it could it not? I have been living a lie for all the sixteen years of life, always wondering why I never felt liked I belonged, that I should be somewhere more special, and so it was kind of crushing to find out about my true background. My colors. Me? It was terrible and I couldn't handle it at all. My chest heaved, unanimous with the way my mind felt. Trapped, since here Tomoyo was telling me, something I had wanted to discover, and learn eagerly before, but now, would rather be doing anything else.

"-And, well, the song came from how before we went to sleep, she would sing it to us…" She finished her fragmented sentence.

I waited for her to continue, knowing positively she wasn't done. She couldn't have meant that I remembered a lullaby sung to me when I was that young. She had to explain more.

She read my mind, "My mom, as you know, was a famous singer in the eighty's and ninety's. Sonya, they called her."

I raised my eyebrows, but smiled a little. I think I had actually heard Mom listening to some of that Sonya's stuff before. Except whenever I asked her about them, she shook her head sadly, as if Sonya Daidouji was dead. It was quite crazy, until I realized she stopped abruptly in the music industry, and as gossip told me, she couldn't be held by her contract to it since she went missing.

Wow, missing.

"So, it was one of her songs, and maybe that's where you heard it…" But I knew there was much more Tomoyo wanted to say when I heard the distinct wobble in her voice. Because, that's when I knew, she didn't really come to tell me about the song. That was just a pathetic excuse I realized feeling stupid for not opening my eyes earlier in all my self-centering thoughts. I should have known today's incident was still bothering her.

"Tomoyo," I urged placing a hand gently on her shoulder. I was not a person who could make others feel at ease, since I don't usually feel at ease with anyone. But, right now, more than anything else that was invading my mind, I really wanted to help Tomoyo, with her hurts, and make her feel better.

Right now, it was much more than just friendship that held us together, since finding out we were cousins…it gave me a sense of loyalty, obligation, and love to her, as a sister would. In this short time, without even knowing I have pledged a sisterly oath of friendship to her, and I wanted to keep my word to it.

After all, isn't that what friend's do for each other?

Talk.

I had no experience what so ever in this area, but if Tomoyo needed it, I would somehow rise up to it. But, it would take a lot more than that, I noticed when she turned her head away from me.

"Tomoyo?" My voice was as soft as it could be.

"Sakura," Her voice cracked, "He doesn't love me."

"Tomoyo," I repeated not knowing how to help her broken heart, but I soon enough I learned that all I had to do was listen and be there.

"I've known him since I was six, Sakura.. It was always me, Meilin, Syaoran, and Eriol. Through elementary, middle, and high school here." She stopped to catch her breath.

"I've always loved him. Then, he told me he loved me too freshmen year…but I just knew it was too good to be true.."

"I think he loved you too…" I said quietly.

"Loved…" She moaned, "Oh Sakura, he doesn't love me anymore! It's past tense! No more…no more us…"

I pulled her head onto my shoulder and petted her long dark hair as she cried breathlessly.

"He's my one and only…there's no one else for me…" Her sobs resided.

I tried my best to soothe her, "Tomoyo, you have loads of time to find the right person. Someday, somehow, somewhere, you'll find the person who'll love you to no ends…" I broke off noticing her silence. Frankly, not being the best at giving un cliché advice, I was embarrassed at what I said. Although, strangely, I was saved the knowledge of what she would have said to my stupid words. Tomoyo had somehow fallen asleep on my shoulder, her breathing coming in quiet steady paces.

I was confused at her behavior, but learned on early of her odd actions. At least in sleep, she wouldn't have to deal with her pain and her sorrow.

Gently, taking caution not to awake her, I removed myself from her, and let her head rest on my pillow. Looking at her porcelain face, her delicate features, her similarly genetically placed 'mole', I saw something. My vision suddenly grew hazy as insignificant memories flew past me.

_"Under the stars…" A long black haired woman sang sweetly. "That shine so bright…"_

_"Under the moon…benevolent light…" Her voice was sweet, embracing at the paining sides with love, slowly lulling a small baby girl to sleep. Her bright emerald eyes, gradually grew droopy with each note. A large car suddenly blinded the woman's eyes, and she stood up from her porch. _

_"Stealth and sly…" She continued to sing, as the sharp cold air of the evening cut through the hitch in her throat, "Indiscreet…Time flies by…but we will meet…" Her voice faltered, and a tear dripped from her amethyst eyes. _

_The baby girl was pulled tighter to her chest, and through a broken voice she sang a little more" Where we go…mystery…" _

_Suddenly the woman cut her singing, and beckoned to the black car, "Yelan..?"_

_A woman with regal features appeared, her large amber eyes disciplined to show no emotions. _

_"Hand me the girl…" Her voice was harsh and cold. _

_The other woman, equally beautiful nodded, but before doing so, whispered in the babies' ear, "Where we go…" _

_"Sonomi! Stop dallying. Give me the child, so I can clean up this mess once and for all." Yelan demanded. _

_The woman in question bit her lip and handed the tiny, baby girl into the stranger's arms._

"A mystery…" My eyes flashed open and I realized I was singing to myself. My throat went dry as I stumbled around a bit and grabbed the bedpost. I looked around at my surroundings. Tomoyo was still sleeping. And I was still in my dorm room.

What had just happened to me was not shocking in any way. I have been receiving this little flashes, UN important ones. It was normal, well; books in the library said so anyway.

Although, what was unsettling, was what my temporary memory loss caused me to remember. I had a feeling the black haired woman, was Tomoyo's mom and I was the baby. But, where were they taking me? Why was Yelan involved?

What exactly did she mean when she said she would clean up this mess once and for all?

And the song…each verse strung me into a hypnotical fantasy…

And instinctively I had the urge to finish the unended lullaby…

My voice was barely above a whisper in the coldness of the upcoming winter…but I sang anyways…

"No one knows…"

_"It's history.."_

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(A/N: Hope ya'll enjoyed that SHORT yet long awaited chappie…sorry about the lack of Syao-chan's appearances…boo hoo, well I guess he'll be in the next chappie or something like that? I'll try! Lol, anyways, if you're confused about the whole Sakura getting memories, it's because her mind has a habit of pushing harmful memories into the back of her mind, so as what happened with her amnesia since chapter five…so, then now with all these little things locked away her mind had become vulnerable sort of, and little things were now able to trigger forgotten memories…make sense? Or not? Sorry…blah, I suck at explaining…oh well, please don't forget to drop some love!)


	13. Sakura: Eriol Comes Clean

(A/N: These updates get slower and slower, don't they? Can't help it babes, D…I was writing for a poetry contest…busy w/ dance too…oh YAH, who heard about this place taking BROKEN GLASS OFF! Can you believe that? They SAID it was because I was misusing grammar…heh ya right! I had my frigging reading teach read it over, and she said nothing….pffffft im so mad..lol..oh well…life goes on! I'm also terribly sorry this is Sakura's POV but we needed it to be…kick back and relax now!))

Disclaimer: I don't own CCS, and I'm not saying anymore than that…oops too late, already did…

**Chapter Thirteen - Eriol Comes Clean**

_-Sakura-_

I was irritated, mad, frustrated, and really really tired. I hadn't gotten any sleep this whole last week of the fear because of more strange memories resurfacing. But that really wasn't what threw me off my chair this morning. Tomoyo's love interest was.

It was bad enough seeing her behavior from pained to angry to abnormally quiet. It was like now she was trying to keep her pain a secret away from me. She wouldn't reply when I talked, wouldn't eat at lunch, and the worst part is, she would sing…sing alone. She would sing that same song I that I was so accustomed to hearing, but with a new passion. It would have an edge of sadness and pain to it, that I hadn't heard before. And each time she would sing it, she sang as if she didn't anyone else to hear. Or as if she didn't think anyone else could really understand. What I mean by that is, as sneaky and stealthy as I happen to be, I well-sort of followed her out to the abandoned school gardens as she sat on the rusty swings and sang. She would think she was unaccompanied, and that's what frightened me. Why would she keep this from me? Why did she even feel that need? Wasn't I being a good enough friend to her?

Basically I felt helpless in the midst of her pain.

But it got really bad whenever Eriol would completely snob her off in the halls. He's already dirtying himself with other girls…girls hanging off his arms, and sucking up to him…throating other girls…and all within one week…He's just the reason for Tomoyo's pain, and I want to remove that. I know what pain is, pain of knowing that someone didn't love you, pain of feeling so alone, but Tomoyo had graciously taken that away from me. Could I help her, the way she did to me? But, I simply can't help her spill what's on her mind anymore. What she's thinking on those rusty old swings that creak in rhythm with her bittersweet melody, the faraway look on her face, the abrupt silence in her behavior.

I know I'm curious, I know I'm forward, but I don't know how not to be…I don't know how to make things right or better for her either.

And I definitely don't know why the hell Eriol broke it off. What went wrong? Wasn't that what Tomoyo was wondering?

But, I knew it wasn't Tomoyo. It was that damned Eriol. He thought he knew everything, he thought he was in charge, and he thinks he can judge people. Well his beliefs and he can go to hell. Like I give a damn about what his punishment is, as long as he gets some. The nerve that kid had to break it off with Tomoyo. The nerve he had to make her feel like shit. The nerve he had to…to…label me a murderer.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Lunch again was horrible as it always was. Rika and Naoko shooting me looks, Tomoyo not touching her food, and me, well I was _me. _

But today I noticed Tomoyo looked worse off than usual. She looked unusually paler, skinnier, and the rims of her eyes looked red. She looked…she looked as if she'd been crying.

For once she turned to acknowledge my worried stares, but with a gaze of shiny eyes. Her usual sense of creativity that glowed through her style and fashion drooped as I observed her choice of an oversized sweat shirt and sweat pants. Her usually beautifully dark hair no longer framed her face childishly, but was in a messy bun on top of her head, strands covering her eyes, her eyes that were crimson on the rims. Those same glowing amethyst jewels that I was so used to seeing sparkling with humor and love, now with a hollowness yet pleading innocence. I don't know how I could read all this, but I did.

That's when I knew I couldn't take it anymore I couldn't just let her stay like this. She could get sick. It could leave scars. And I knew better than any other person what scars do to a person.

I had to do something. I just couldn't sit around here and mope for her while she mopes. How would that help her? It probably just would make it worse. Damn, why didn't I think of this before?

It seemed that no one up there favored me, because as soon as I unlocked my gaze from Tomoyo, I met my eyes with a tall, well built, guy with glasses, and navy blue eyes. This caused my untamed anger to pent up making me stand up impulsively.

"I'll be right back Tomoyo, I have to…um…pee…" I said lamely, not knowing why I even bothered. Rika snorted at my forwardness as Tomoyo made no indication of evening hearing of my excuse. She had left her eyes from me, and continued to stare lifelessly at the plate of food I had gotten her before. I frowned wanting to stay, but then he got up, I suspected to have a smoke, and left the highly populated table of giggling girls. It was my chance to do something, but I really wasn't sure what I wanted to do. But I couldn't blow the moment, now could I?

Not noticing I was following him, he casually opened the glass doors of the cafeteria that led outside to the courtyard and let the door slam promptly in my face.

I growled, not that he could hear me besides; he was too engrossed in his own thoughts.

The hustle and bustle of the students made it even more unapparent that I was trailing him as he continued to leave the courtyard. I was getting irritated. Just where was he going? And just what did I think I was doing?

I thought about dropping out, and just walking back to the cafeteria. But, all this would be for nothing. I would be a stupid coward, and then regret it a thousand times when I would re observe Tomoyo's poor condition.

Ignoring my lame thoughts, I continued to move with as much agility as I could through crowds of glossy hair and perfect skin. He still didn't notice me, I thought with a sick feeling rising in the pit of my stomach. I had no idea what I was doing, but why not think about that after he comes to a stop?

Currently he had exited the courtyard, into the Picasso Dorm Common Rooms, then into the dorm hallways, back out of the Picasso building, then continued down an unfamiliar pathway to a small building which seemed to be an art building. As we continued to go down, the crowds of people gradually got thinner and thinner. Until, it was only-

"What the fuck are you doing following me?" He repeated harshly, startling me out of my trance.

It took me some time to figure out that Eriol was talking to me, and was expecting an answer.

"Uh…I'm not following you!" Oh great, I thought, mentally groaning at my own choice of words and stupidity. I could just about slap myself about now.

"Then what are you doing," He drawled out his glasses glinting something in his eyes I couldn't tell, but not anger, " Going up to the Silva boys dorms too?"

I looked around me, and to my surprise he was halfway up the stairs to the boys dorms and I right behind him. The familiar surroundings shocked me, quite frankly. I really must have not been paying attention.

Fumbling, I answered, "I'm meeting someone…" I supposed I didn't look very convincing. But, really I was stuck.

He gave a dry stare. Then he continued in the same mocking tone as before, "oh really, and who would that be?" I didn't know what was up with this guy but it seemed like he had the weirdest mood swings. One minute he was swearing obscenities; the next moment he's giving me sarcastic, drawled out, remarks. That was mocking to my indivuality. I mean seriously, what does he think? No one would want to meet me or something like that? Okay, maybe. I realized I wasn't exactly most loved on school campus. Probably more like most hated. Ugh.

"My boyfriend," I replied instantaneously, hoping he wouldn't ask my non-existent beaux's identity.

He gave me an all too knowing queer smile, "And, just who, is that?"

I bit my lip trying to think, and before I could stop myself I blurted out, "Syaoran." Oh great. I just really blew my cover. Why would so popular Syaoran be going out with social outcast Sakura?

His eyebrows shot up, and he looked at me questioningly before sneering, "What do you really want, woman?"

I decided to spill and be direct. I really didn't have much time to waste right now. " It'd be better somewhere private. You wouldn't like talking about this out here in the open."

He shrugged, and continued upstairs. I took at that as a "follow me" and I did just that. We had reached his dorm room and suddenly I felt self-conscious when I saw on the front door that this room belonged to Syaoran too.

No wonder his lie detector went off.

We stepped in and I thought how weird it was for me to entering a guy's dorm room. Of one I liked and one I hated with a passion.

As soon as both of us were in the boyish room covered with posters of all sorts and unorganized junk, Eriol shut the door. He turned to look at me, his eyes serious.

"Speak."

I opened my mouth then shut it. "I'm not a dog to be ordered you know. You just can't command with one-syllable words. I don't appreciate it."

He groaned in frustration. "Look, I'm waiting for you to talk about whatever shit you said was important. I really fucking don't have time to waste talking with a bitch like you. "

"Hey, I resent that." I blurted.

"Whatever get it over with."

I sighed deeply and then started menacingly my pent anger returning to me, "I don't really know why I followed you-"

Eriol snorted. "If you didn't know why, then-"

"Shut up and let me finish." I ordered flashing my eyes at him at what I hoped was an intimidating glare.

"Anyways…" I drew the word out, and then continued, "Crap. I'm can't do this." I realized. I didn't know what to say really.

He stared.

I finally just exploded. "Who did you think you are when you decided to break up with my best friend? Just what did you get by that?"

He didn't answer. He just looked down at the sleeve of his loose white collared shirt and began to fiddle with it.

"Oh, I know, a bunch of _cheap whores._" I snarled.

"Why don't you just stick your nose out of business that doesn't even concern you?" he yelled at me coming closing the gap between us so that his nose touched mine, almost. I could see his navy blue eyes burning. I had clearly struck a nerve.

"It is my stinking business. You made it my business ever since you practically killed her! It's like she's the walking dead or something! Can't you see what you've done to her? Don't you understand? You can't just break it off with someone whom you claimed to love since childhood without a reason. She deserves one, even if its from you, you dastard."

"Who else would it come from?" He asked sarcastically, his smelly breath surrounding me.

"Ugh," I replied, "Get away from me…" He looked startled at our close proximity and then moved away.

"As if I'd want to be near you…" The hurt tone of his voice made me glance up abruptly. I suddenly saw the same hollow pleading innocence in his form and eyes that I saw in Tomoyo's. I locked gazes with him, and noticed for the first time, his vulnerability.

"Eriol…" I tried in a hesitant voice.

"Fuck. Don't call me by my name. I never said you could." He snapped cradling his head in his hands.

Suddenly he slumped to the floor next to the bed.

His voice was very small when he spoke, "I didn't want to tell her. I didn't want to hurt her."

You've already done plenty of that, I thought, but I didn't say anything.

"The thing is," He continued in that disturbingly lost voice, "I don't think I like her that way."

"I like guys."

My mouth was agape. I knew that couldn't be true!

"Then what about all those girls, you were kissing-"

"I didn't want anyone to know. Look, I'm not even sure why the fuck in seven hells I told you, but that's really it. I'm a faggot."

Suddenly the door swung open, startling both Eriol and I. In walked in, Syaoran. Perfect timing, I thought wryly.

Suddenly Eriol jumped up and pinned me against the wall.

The next thing I knew, his lips crashed onto mine. And a loud growl erupted in my ears.

Eriol was_ kissing _me?

(A/N: Update finally! Heheh)


	14. Sakura: First Kisses ?

(A/N: Hey look at this, a SUPER EARLY update…I didn't like some of the comments I heard about Eriol being gay. What the hell is wrong with that? I really don't appreciate when you guys act all immature and go "eewww he's a fag" Come on guys, get mature. Seriously. I REALLY get pissed off when people say that. Other than that, thank you all for your reviews! You guys make writing worth it. Oh yeh, hehe Sakura will be redundant in using "sofa king stupid" in here. )

Disclaimer: I don't own CCS and I really don't why I keep putting this up

...  
**_  
_**

**_Chapter Fourteen_**

_**First Kiss(es)?**_

_-Sakura-_

...

Eriol _was_ kissing **me. **

It took a moment for the information to register in my mind and the shock could numb me. I started squirming right away.

He pinned my arms down, and deepened the kiss. My first kiss! The little bastard! Why does he say something and then contradict himself by doing the opposite? Can you say _two-faced_?

"Eriol! _Stop!"_ I mumbled against his lips. He tasted nasty, like cigarettes. I wondered how Tomoyo could stand him! I then felt even guiltier. Here I was allegedly supposed to go help her out, but instead am kissing her boyfriend. Well, I wasn't kissing him, _he was kissing me!_ The so fucking stupid asshole.

_Think Sakura, think_. His arms had me pinned against the wall, and I was practically trapped. I lifted my leg to knee him in his family jewels when I heard a familiar voice.

" Eriol get a room to do that." The angry, hurt voice sneered. His voice was the perfect imitation of how mine would sound if I were in a position to talk.

Finally he let go off me, giving me room to breathe. He wiped his mouth, and looked at Syaoran, through heavy lidded eyes. "We're already in a room."

Syaoran snorted at the stupid response, and I noticed his amber eyes burning…with anger? Hurt? I was too busy being angry, because that's when I regained my breath.

"What the fuck did you fucking think you were doing to me, you mother-fucker? God. You are _so fucking stupid_! Why would you do that? " I was huffing when I finished. My senses were dizzy, my stomach felt sick, and my lips, my poor virgin lips had just been raped. They started swell from his pressure, and I could feel tears stinging at the back of my eyes. I let a growl erupt through my throat. I didn't know whether I was sad or angry now.

Eriol looked at me with an unreadable expression painted in his eyes and then turned to Syaoran who was watching us both a curious expression, his anger forgotten suddenly.

Then it got really ugly.

"Eriol, I never knew you to be the kind of guy who forced himself on girls. Gee, either you must be desperate cause you haven't got laid in a while, or you're losing your touch."

I froze at his words. Syaoran, his best friend, didn't know that Eriol was gay? But he told me? This confused me. Why wouldn't Eriol tell his best friend? Was Eriol afraid of Syaoran shunning him for his difference? I couldn't answer this because I didn't think I knew Syaoran well enough to.

Eriol however swung around to face Syaoran with a cool smile.

"Cool it man, you're just mad I got to her before you could. Maybe it's you who should get laid." Syaoran growled and my chest tightened. What did he imply by "before you could?" I decided I didn't like this one bit. And they were starting to talk about me as if I were not present.

"Wait a second. You're the one who raped my virgin lips! I demand an explanation and an apology right now!" I cut in, stepping between them, not knowing the consequence of my actions. My eyes flashed.

Eriol stiffened and glared at me with his cold navy blue eyes. I shuddered. Things were getting scarier by the second. However, I was too angry to stop.

"Bitch," He whispered at me under his breath. "Move."

Then suddenly I noticed something I didn't before. Staring directly into his orbs, I discovered his eyes were heavy with something. Something I wasn't accustomed to seeing considering my naivety of this part of life.

It was something…something quite like lust. But as I followed his heated glare, learning it was not to me, it was a frustrated stare towards…

Syaoran?

And before I could stop the jealousy rising in my throat, I hissed back at him low enough so only he could hear. "Fag."

His eyes widened considerably and for a moment I thought he was either going to cry or hit me. I didn't know, but I really couldn't find out. I couldn't stay in this tension-heated place any longer. It was too much for me to be in the same room as a guy who was cowardly.

"Screw you…" I sneered again before turning on my heel, heading out the door, and slamming their room shut behind me.

God.

Was this what Tomoyo had to go through every day?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Absentmindedly as I headed to the Silva Girl's dorms, I touched my bruised lips. I winced immediately.

_Fucking bastard._

This wasn't at all what I expected, but then again I didn't know what to expect. What was I thinking? Nothing was normal here. Nothing was normal wherever the people I care about or I was concerned. What, did someone up there like to fuck it up down here with me?

_Screw this. Screw the whole world. _

I was so pissed; I didn't think I could make it back to my dorm room in one piece. Let alone my afternoon classes. And I began to realize that I had a bigger problem than this. What about Tomoyo? What would happen to her?

Would she ever get over him?

I mean she has to. But then again, the only way she'll understand she can never have him, is for her to know his secret. But, it couldn't be me! I can't tell her. I'm in no position. I groaned again. Does this mean I have to get him to talk to her? I have to talk to him again? I didn't know what to do and was really, very tired.

Too exhausted to think properly.

I hadn't even eaten my lunch yet, I remembered only picking at in the cafeteria. My stomach soon agreed. I desperately needed to get some food in my system before I engaged in any thought provoking decisions. I checked my watch, and as I reached my dorm room, I decided to just go eat out at one of the campus fast foods. Guess I'm missing history. No big deal there.

Suddenly I felt stupid about walking up to my dorm, then back to down to eat. It was all so redundant.

_Ugh. So fucking stupid. _

Muttering curses to myself, I managed to escape to a McDonald's near the Picasso Dorm area, when a pair of amber eyes caught me.

I died. Five lives left, eh kitty?

As soon as he spotted me, he jumped out of the line and hurried up to me, with a large frown on his face. He approached me, his jaw tense, and his eyes flashing. "Sakura, we need to talk."

I then realized with a pang that was the first time he ever used my name? I think so. But, obviously it was not the time to celebrate such things when evil bastards like Eriol were there to discuss.

I sighed and nodded. He then led me to an empty table. Folding his hands together, he leaned over and asked, "Sakura, what is going on between you and Eriol?"

"Are you that fucking stupid?" I hissed abruptly. Did he not see how Eriol forced himself on me? If he did, then why was he asking that question?

"Look, Sakura, Eriol has been going out with Tomoyo a long time. Eriol's my best friend, and Tomoyo's like my sister."

I stared at him. "Your point?" I already knew this and that. I already knew more than he did! I wasn't stupid.

"Well, I think you better stay out of their relationship." He stated calmly, his voice tight. "I think we'd all appreciate it if you stayed out of our lives."

That was so unexpected, I wasn't prepared for my next outburst. I blurted it out before I could stop myself. "You _look,_ Li, I'm not the one coming in between their relationship. In fact, I was only there to get a reason for why Eriol had broken up with Tomoyo in front of my dorm."

His eyes got wide but then narrowed sharply when I opened my mouth to continue, "And do you want to know what that reason is?"

I didn't wait for a verbal response, "_You._ It was _you."_ I whispered hoarsely.

"What are you talking about woman?" Syaoran snarled defensively.

"You are the reason Eriol broke up with Tomoyo you dimwitted bastard. You. Eriol _likes_ you, Eriol _w_ants you, not Tomoyo. So she suffers because of you. And _look,_ here Li," I sneered my voice coated with venom, "It was because of you, I lost my first kiss. And because of you, that Tomoyo is like the living dead. Besides you were the one who insulted Eriol in the first place, so _don't you blame this on me_!"

I was so ashamed for acting so violent and immature, so shocked he thought that way about me, and so angry about everything in general. There were so many emotions that I just couldn't control.

I began to cry.

It was big crocodile tears seeping down my cheeks, my throat getting tight, and my head getting dizzy.

I couldn't stop talking though. "And you want me to stay out of all your lives? In case you've forgotten, it wasn't me who suggested, _'Oh why don't you take this in a positive way?_ Hmm?" I hiccupped and used my wrist to wipe away my tears.

Syaoran's blank face stared back at me. It hardened and he stiffened. "Eriol likes me?" He sounded hesitant and scared. I turned away from his face. I didn't want to look at him right now and could care less how he felt when he didn't give a damn about accusing me in the first place.

I decided that enough was enough, and that I wouldn't stay here either. I began to get up when I heard a stern voice.

"Sit down, Sakura. You're not running away this time, I think you've been allowed to that one too many times." I froze. I did not run away. Cowards ran. I was not weak, god damnit.

However I blurted out something else. "Fuck you. I don't care." Automatically I turned around to get back to my dorms, or the girls restrooms to sit in the stalls and be left alone. Anywhere, anywhere, just anyplace where it was quiet. Without him.

_"You should laugh more.." _

I should laugh more, huh? I thought ironically. What are you doing to me now, Syaoran, then?

_Why do you affect me so much? _

I shook my head, and exited the glass doors, now connected to the outdoor cold weather. I looked up, the skies were dark, clouds were gathering, and ..thunder…

_Oh baby, you're gonna cry with me, too? _

It was one drop after another. It hit the smooth surface of my skin, colliding with the warm sticky tears, sliding across my face like ice. Immediately I shut my eyes, and hiccupped. I still couldn't stop crying.

My uniform was now drenched and I could feel the rain chilling through the external material of the cloth, seeping deep through my bones. They chilled me, they froze, and they warmed me. I could feel the thunder chiming, and a sad melody.

Unexpectedly, I felt a warm hand enclose around my wrist. I turned around, astonished at him for following me, and stared up into his eyes knowing I was deliberately trapping myself.

"Sakura," He whispered, his voice husky yet furious. "You can't run away every single time."

"When was I coward?" I demanded.

He swore at the ground when I tried to release from his grasp, but he only held me tighter, "Don't fool around. You know you ran away from you father, from your mom's death, from that cop, from the rumors, from Tomoyo, from Eriol, and now from me? You can't."

I scowled. "I'm not weak you bastard, now just let go of me!"

"No." He said. "You don't understand. You have got to stop running away from everything!"

I gave in. I looked at him and asked a senseless question, "I would stop running if I had a place to stop running to!" His grasp suddenly loosened, and I tried to take advantage of it, but he pulled me back to him. Since I hadn't gotten very far, we were still outside the building of McDonald's, so my back was now pressed up against the brick wall.

My breath hitched in my throat when I noticed I was trapped again like I was with Eriol. Except, this time I didn't want to escape. Not so badly…

"Sakura," He said again, his hot breath caressing my face, then reached up to brush a wet strand of hair away of my face, "You don't have to run away from me anymore."

It was probably the closest anyone has ever gotten to in my heart. How could he chew me out then spit me back out like that, but still make what was in my heart come out and make it so much less painful? His amber eyes pounded into my eyes, and I couldn't tear away my gaze.

His eyed suddenly dropped to my lips and unconsciously I licked them. Not to tempt him, but it seemed to. He smelled like sandalwood and it was making me dizzy with giddiness. God he smelled good.

Wrapping an arm loosely around my waist he leaned down until his lips brushed against mine. Not being so innocent anymore, the he deepened the kiss and asked entrance to my mouth. Hesitant at first, but finally I let him explore my mouth as it let butterflies roam my stomach and shivers run up and down my spine. Not knowing what to do next, how to respond this insane attraction, I responded to him chastely not really knowing how to kiss.

He stopped to let his face drop into my neck and I heard him inhale. "I hope this substitutes for your first kiss because if you didn't like this one, I'd substitute as many as you wanted."

I laughed. I was surprised he could act so flirty and I could actually laugh when a few minutes ago…when a few minutes ago….it was different. I suddenly hiccupped again, and I could feel his smirk against my neck. This was something I could get used to.

However, I simply couldn't forget that I was angry at him. I was supposed to angry. He just called me weak, and a coward..

But _he said I didn't need to run away from him…_

_Why did he hurt me then? _

His arm tightened around my waist again as if hearing my second thoughts, and he said, "Damnit, Sakura, you're driving me crazy." _This was all too crazy to be true. _

"Same here." I muttered.

……………………………………………………………………………………

(A/N: So how'd ya'll like SS's first KISS, which was confusing because they were so AT it before…I know it's a little weird, but they both were so vulnerable and confused at that moment, that their attractions rather than anger took over. Hope you liked the SUPER DUPER EARLY update….waiting for those reviews to roll in….)


	15. SyaoranSakura: Cruel Fate

(A/N: I'm currently engaged in the project of rewriting the whole sappy DIR and making it better, k? so after I update this one, it's going to go backwards and I'm redoing posting from chapter one and so one. But I will post all of it up at the same time, so I would love if whenever I post up chapter sixteen, that you re-READ the entire story…but for now you just read this and try to remember wherever the story was. It's kind of a filler chapter, for all the mysteries I left unsolved or things unsaid…hope you all like and oh yeh sorry for not having a lot of Syaoran, it's just HARD to write him…ya know?) 

Disclaimer: Simple, I do not own CCS

Chapter Fifteen

**Cruel Fate**

Syaoran

I knew when I had her in my arms, I just couldn't let go of her. I couldn't let go of this little moment that neither of us had to really understand what was going on.

Hell, I never wanted to let go.

She was so small and tiny, and the curve of her neck smelled strongly like cherry blossoms. I dropped my head into the junction and inhaled.

I was just so frustrated and confused. Confused in a good way, I suppose. The way she intrigued me with the quirks in her personality- her undeniably quick mood swings. The way sometimes I get the feeling she's looking at me and seeing something so much deeper, but sometimes it seems she's so distant and lonely. The way I never understand how to act around her.

And no one could miss those green eyes that seem to remind me of everything I thought I could hide. Couldn't I? Green, my favorite color…the only place where I could think to myself that I didn't have to be just like him.

He hated green. I reveled in its emerald glow.

She was living proof those things were never better left alone. And somehow she always managed to pop up in my head no matter what. And whenever I was around her, she just had this ability to make me act different. Like I wasn't myself.

She continually brought that up, who was I anyways? The hottest senior, partier, laid back easygoing guy, son of famous track athlete, the next Tien Li.

I almost scowled, but let it slide with a sigh. "You drive me crazy…" I muttered.

"Same here…" I was surprised to hear her murmur.

……………………….

Today was probably the most awkward day that I have ever been through. Eriol and Sakura were both avoiding me. Tomoyo looked like a dead zombie, and Meilin was trying to get in bed with me. Misaki was bombarding me with voice messages demanding to know why I haven't been coming to her parties, or even replying back to her. I felt a headache forming, and that wasn't even the beginning of problems. Halloween break (rich kids, long vacations) was coming up, and that's when Sakura's Mom was having her funeral. So we had to go home because I knew that Mama would probably inviting half the kids that go to our school because she know all of their respectable parents. Concern twisted me- I doubted Sakura would be pleased to know that a bunch of people who didn't even know her mother would be at her funeral.

Jeez, God was sick and twisted because no one knew how fucking hard it was going to be for me get through the day.

But then again, I can't complain can I? I'm Mr. Laid back, who-just-doesn't-give-a-shit.

……………………….

Sakura:

There were so many things going on with my life, that I couldn't piece any of it together. It was like waiting helplessly by the side of the road under a building canopy, just watching the rain fall, waiting for someone to pick you up, at the same time enviously watching all the others ride home.  
It was a painful wait knowing I couldn't search for any answers to questions that haunted me. But things arrived soon enough, but not as much to my consent.

Jeez, I wondered, if only things could be less complex.

If only Eriol wasn't gay, Tomoyo wasn't heart broken, and if I knew…if I knew truly why Syaoran made me feel so weird. It felt too cliché, too unreal to actually be true; the handsome prince and peasant maiden or what was more suitable to the situation would be to say "the social king" and "social outcast".

He confused me. Right after the kiss, there was such an awkward moment, it was as if we never stopped bickering. And even through out this whole time I just always manage to remember how it felt to have his lips against mine, and his hands through my hair or resting on the small of my back. Or how he smelled.

God, did he smell good.

It scared me, that I've never felt to quite attracted to someone before. I mean I had the crush on him and stuff, but that seemed so far away and childish. More like I was admiring him. He seems so different, like a whole different person up close up.

I thought randomly, he is like an onion, with all these layers. I realized that he'd forever be an enigma that I'd be struggling to figure out. What made him appear so casual as if he didn't have a care in the world to me before? I really couldn't have believed that, could I?

And then I thought he was snobby because he wouldn't go on the bus. I was downright wrong.

Although finally there was this part of Syaoran that he showed today. This side that was bitter but brutally honest. He showed me that I can't close my eyes to everything. How could I now deny that I have not been doing that?

I could do no more than to shut myself off from those things that have been being said about me. The things that sent me over the edge.

Just why couldn't I, for once, remember what happened?

It drove me almost to turning my hair gray. It was endless, this waiting, and I knew I couldn't even muster up the courage or patience to keep on waiting. I wanted to know now…

But every time I was just about crossing the border, demanding the truth from the façade, everything would fade away and something new would jump out at me. Some new mystery that demanded now just all of my attention and strength, till the point of exhaustion where I would just happily (in a sardonic way) drop dead.

And I never the thought this maze I would be traveling through would end. I never once thought that, but somehow in the deep sub conscious of my mind, I knew a tiny flicker of hope blazed.

Once again, everyone and everything was thrown out of proportion by my brother. Or more like half- brother.

Touya was home from Gods-knows-where from doing God-knows-what. Not that I cared anyways.

Mom's wake and funeral were this weekend right before Halloween. Hallo-fucking-ween. Get that. Hunh, just when the dead were waking.

And I somehow ended up engaging to a visit to the mental facility.

Not because this whole ordeal drove me crazy, mind you, but actually to visit…him. He who was the one who created my false front of no weakness- yet freakish cowardice and innocence of my oddities. He was the one who broke it, and then broke the spirit inside of me.

I couldn't even bring my lips to form that word anymore, not when it was never true to me.

But anyhow everything was really getting to me, the more I spent idle evenings thinking about it. Tomoyo was looking worse and worse, and no that I really paid attention- but Eriol looked pretty bad too.

Somehow even though I didn't want to talk to him or Tomoyo- I had to talk to one of them. I chose Eriol- because I felt breaking Tomoyo's heart into even tinier pieces would break my heart.

However fate was cruel and liked giving unusually cruel punishments. Tomoyo had approached me idling around in the courtyard because I had no class that time.

Her eyes darkened and her mouth was strict in a discliplined line. "Sakura," Her voice was cracked from what I guessed was lack of use. "We need to talk."

Just like that almost, my blood ran cold and I nodded.

"I thought you were my friend," She breathlessly accused, her eyes narrowed. "But you're just a dirty slut, right?"

I blinked at her stupidly confused. "What-"

"You were the reason Eriol broke up with me, weren't you! Meilin told me all about it…" Her eyes misted over, and a lump formed in my throat.

"How could you say that you trust her over me? Meilin doesn't have a clue what's going on at all!"

She scoffed, "I've known her longer than you, technically the question would be why wouldn't I trust her over you? Not that I trust you anymore anyways. But just tell me, why?"

My lips parted slightly in astonishment, "I'm a slut?"

"Don't play dumb, bitch." She said menacingly, "You kissed Eriol, and then you played sweet so you could kiss Syaoran too!"

My face flamed and the hairs on my neck stood up. "T-"

"Why did I even think about trusting you? You're just a sneaky bitch, Meilin was right, you'd probably mess up the whole Nicc'e company. And you probably did murder your mom, and pretended to have amnesia. You don't even belong here!" She shouted frustrated.

"I didn't- I don't want- " Tears stung at the back of my eyes but I couldn't let them fall this wasn't about me but she made about me. I couldn't believe what she said, she the only friend I've ever had. And she calls me sneaky?

Tears streaked her face, "You just dirt beneath my feet you know!"

I stood up, reaching for her shoulders, to shake her, to make her understand, to maker her listen.

"Don't touch me," She said raising her index finger to my face.

"Tomoyo, listen to me…" I pleaded my voice breaking.

"Screw you Sakura!" She said in a huff and left me.

Like I said, fate was cruel to me. I cradled my face in my hands and soaked it with my tears.

(A/N: MMMMMM sorry for the SHORT Chapter, but atleast it was SOMETHING, eh? Please r/r because after this is the REWRITING ERA..hehe and no wolf-eyes you did not offend me, just woke me up P bye ya'll)


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